Day 50 of Round 2

This 10 days have brought me 8.8 lbs lost along with 2.5 more inches!  Not to shabby, not too shabby at all!

Tomorrow, I will be ordering my last 2 bottles.  I am just barely going to make it, but I will persevere.

I am at the half way point, yea!  About 50 more days left.  With diligence I should have no problem sailing into 185 (or at least pretty close, under 200 nevertheless!).

Today, looking into the mirror was the first time I actually "saw" that I am thinner.  I "know" I am thinner, but to actually see it was nice.  It is also nice because I am more realistic about my body image.  I really am excited to see myself at a "normal" weight, and hopefully, "feeling" like a thinner person.  As I get used to this, it will make staying thinner easier.

I think a lot of the time that people lose weight to only gain it back, is because they just couldn't/wouldn't get used to being at a lighter weight.  Then, it's also never something that you can blow off!  Since I can get fat so easily, I will never get a "day off" from being totally aware of what I am eating.  There is no special occasion that would justify gaining all my weight back.

Hopefully, these next 50 days will just fly by, and there will be 140 lbs in my past, and a healthy, lean me in my future!

One Pound of Muscle One Pound of Fat (from HCG diet forum)

I had posted this at the HCG diet forum, and thought I would share my thoughts on this here!



While cruising thru the forum, I noticed someone mentioned that there is no difference between one pound of fat and one pound of muscle. I would like to argue this.

There is a huge difference between fat and muscle. One pound of muscle is far better! Why? Muscle actually works for you. It burns calories, it makes you stronger, with it you can become more healthy. What does fat do? It sits there. If you don't make any attempt to get rid of it, it will just grow and get heavier.

A lot of people put a lot of stock in their BMI (Body Mass Index), which calculates your height and weight and tells you whether or not you are "underweight" "normal" "overweight" "obese" or "morbidly obese". Just using the calculations you are to find how "fit" you are. There is a problem with this. Because muscle will weigh more (muscle being more dense, one square in of muscle will weigh more then one square inch of fat), muscle will throw off the BMI. Tom Cruise's BMI lists him as obese, Arnold Schwarzenegger too! Now, they are a bit older, but obese? No.

If you have a scale that measures weight/fat/water, start noting down what your fat content is on your weigh ins. It is by no means "accurate", but even if you are in a stall, you just might see your fat content going down. This is a good thing. Sometimes the extended fat cells will fill with water, leaving you weighing the same (or even more sometimes). It doesn't mean you aren't losing weight, it means your body is adjusting.

If you are working out, gaining muscle, and not losing weight, take comfort that you are getting stronger, and that new muscle wants to suck your fat cells dry. Don't freak, this is good, even if numbers don't drop. Your muscles will override those fat cells in no time. Leaving you lighter, healthier and stronger!

Exciting News: 100 lbs Lost!!!

I made it to my next goal, 100 lbs lost!  100.2 to be exact.  In February of this year, I took a chance on a "weight loss diet" that was totally different from the others.  The FDA said it was dangerous (like FenPhen was safe).  I was told that HCG didn't work.  That it was a scam (there are HCG scams out there, but then again, people give money to Publishers Clearing House yet no one wins...).  I took a chance, spending more than $300 on my first bottles of HCG.  I put my head in the game, committed 100% to protocol, researched what I was going to do AFTER I lose the weight, so I could maintain the losses, and never go back to 325 lbs. 

Now I sit at my computer 100 lbs lighter.  All the doctors that gave me the sad "she's never going to lose all that weight on a fad diet" look, who, in fact, told me that "heart smart" plastic fake food was more healthy than vegetables and meat.  Now, my doctors completely support what I am doing. 

Anyone can do this.  Yes, HCG gave me a jump start (a HUGE jump start), but I also did really well on Paleo in between rounds.

The first thing you have to do is decide what's most important to you.  Is your health worth a piece of bread?  Will a cookie or ice cream really make you happy?  Do you want to change how you look and feel?

Any diet will work, if you stick to it.  I suggest a diet of real foods.  Raw foods.  Stay away from what conventional wisdom dictates.  Do what works best for you.

HCG is my choice.  I am healthier for it (reduced cholesterol from 205 to 170, lowered blood pressure, my body is making new blood cells at a rapid rate), and it's only going to get better.  I can move, I can bend, I will start getting stronger.

I would never suggest anyone do HCG or even do it my way, but I do suggest finding what works for you.  If you think those 100 calorie packs are worth it, then go for it (they aren't, but who am I to tell anyone how to lose weight?  Oh yeah, I am the one that lost 100 lbs!)

Weigh (no pun) your options.  Here's what should be common sense.  Vegetables should be your go to food (nutrient dense foods), meat isn't the enemy (the meat industry is), choose health instead of constant "treats".  Find your niche.  It might be HCG.  It might be a vegan diet (please, vegans, eat some veggies once in a while, and lay off the tofu!).  It might be Paleo/Primal.  It might be Weight Watchers, or South Beach, or Dr. Atkins.

Don't believe the "experts" straight off the cuff.  Do your own research.  Google is a great place to start.  Put in a word and start a search.  Narrow it down until you get the info you are looking for.  Read, read, read.  Find the commonalities.  Educate yourself.  Use your brain for something more than keeping your head inflated.  If the country is "talking" about it, and the mass media is making a story of it, then listen to what they say.  If the media is "pro" for something, get to the bottom of it, you just "follow the money, honey", if the media is against something, why? 

The big ballyhoo about HCG (which wasn't an issue a year ago) turned out that the big Pharma was pushing through (read:  Paid off the FDA) a new and (studies show) a very dangerous weight loss drug that will promise you MIGHT lose 20 lbs in a year.  Since it went from combining two drugs and straight onto the market, you can assume that it's not going to work.  We who are fat will reach for any straw.  We are desperate to lose this weight.  Instead of encouraging us to make real healthy choices, they tell us "DO NOT under any circumstances eat at McDonald's", then go on to show a MickeyD's commercial (freedom of speech, right?  Right!  But we also have the freedom to choose, at least we should.)

I am going to hop off my soap box now. 

100 lbs down, 40 pounds to go until 185, then I am going to let Paleo eating carry me to where my body wants to be.  At the rate I am losing, my body wants nothing to do with being fat!

Stressful day effecting my losses!

Ugg!  Yesterday was just sucky.  It started really good.  I am doing a deep clean in my kitchen, and was moving along nicely.  Then it just all started getting to me.  I had to sit out with the kids (in the pool), and then when everyone went home, and brought my littles in for lunch, I got to eat myself.  One of my boys took a nap, the other went out to play.  The Colonel stopped home, and said that he didn't want our kids playing outside alone (no problem there), and had asked the parents to watch.  My MIL went out for about 2 minutes, then came back in.  I went outside for a after lunch smoke, and then my FIL went in, and promptly took a nap, leaving me outside, unable to finish my cleaning.

If the in laws didn't live here, I would have to do the same, but then again, I wouldn't have to clean up after them.  My FIL is the major culprit.  He is constantly eating, leaving chips, candy and cookies all over the house.  My kids get into his "stash" which is located in the drawer of my coffee table.  What makes this worse, is because of the heat, we have been invaded by roaches.  Now it's getting to be a problem, 'cause it's not the once in a while field roaches, it's the little German roaches (probably came in on a box).  The Colonel will be fogging and taking care of the problem on Saturday, but it's just the fact that it really looks bad on me. 

I am tired of parenting a 68 year old man.  I am tired of the weirdness of my MIL's maniacal giggling, and in the in and out of her room.  She won't speak to me (I don't think she is able to differentiate between real people and her imaginary "voices". 

Then there are my kids.  The big one just wants to sit around and play GTA.  The littles are just little mess makers and won't clean up their messes.  They are also being defiant, and why not, no one in the house listens to me, so they are just doing what all the others are doing.

Because of all that (it's been building), I showed dismal losses (-0.6) today.  I didn't eat off protocol (except for one square of 73%), but I didn't drink hardly any water.  I will be upping my water, and be super strict, I am only 1.6 lbs from 100 lbs lost. 

No matter how much the family wants to sabotage me, I am not going to let them. They are being jerks, and will pay, yes, they will pay dearly!

Time to get back into control.

Family

Even with the stresses of life, I am lucky that my weight loss is still going on.  I am down another 1.4 lbs.

The Family has really been acting up.  I have my two littles, who, are great kids, except for the defiance!  At 3 and 5, they are quite the handful.  I am running out of patience and frankly ideas on how to deal with them.

My 18 yo, is a good young man, but his autism can be a real bummer.  That, and waiting for SSI to confirm his disability is annoying.  I can't get him to any adult programs without the confirmation that the gov't.  That is sucky!

My MIL is deep into crazy.  The schizophrenia is getting weird, not in a violent way, just with maniacal laughter.  I always wonder what the voices are saying that make her laugh for days on end.  Are they that funny?  And, my FIL is more concerned with sponging off the cousins to pay for one of his stupid cat's visit to the vet, rather than dealing with the crazy wife.

My wonderful Colonel is just working hard and at a loss with how to deal with everyone in the house (me included).  He's just tired and needs a break.

In a couple of weeks, we are going to take the littles to a water park in the next town over.  It should be a fun day.  I found out that I am actually under the weight limit of the water slide!  I can slide on the slide!  Yea!

The first weekend after Labor Day we are going camping!  We are going to Mt. Lassen, my 5 yo has a major interest in volcanoes, so it will be fun for all of us.  Plus, we are going to Shasta Caverns, and do a bit of touristy spelunking!

After that, it's homeschooling and the holidays on the horizon.  Well, school is going to start on the 27th of August this year, although we have been working on reading and counting.  This year is modified preschool for my 3 yo, and full blow kindergarten for my 5 yo.  This should be loads of fun!

I am just 2.2 lbs away from 100 lbs lost.  Seems so close, and yet so far away!  Plus, I am in the 20's heading for the teens!  I am so very close to goal!

As I get closer to goal, I need to get the family back on track towards Paleo.  They have been getting pretty loosey goosey, mainly 'cause I don't eat with them right now.  But once I am on P3 (which is the same as Paleo), I can get them back in the game.

That's it for now!

Cruisin' Along

After yesterday's stall, I was a bit worried, but turns out I had some wiggle room.  I had been having an orange and a square of 73% dark chocolate, as a treat.  When I stalled, I stayed away for my "treats" and just ate POP (perfectly on protocol), which worked, since I am 1.6 lbs lighter this morning.

I am just a few pounds away from the One Hundred mark!  I will be very happy to get there!  I am now in the 20's, so another goal accomplished.  Now it's time to get to 100 lbs lost, then the teens, the zero, ONEderLAND, and final goal of 185.  It all seems so far away, but yet within my grasp.  I don't know what's going to happen with all this weight loss, I hope a lot of good. 

My boobs are still hurting.  I am having a hard time picking up heavy stuff (like my kids!).  Well, I will see Dr. B (my OB-GYN) in September, so I will get a breast exam and a mammogram, and find out it there is some sort of problem.  Wouldn't that be a kick in the rubber parts, lose all this weight, worry about sagging boobs, have a mastectomy!  If it happens, it happens, my grandmother (maternal) and my mother, both had mastectomies, so it might be genetic.

But, even with that on the horizon, life is good.  God is going out of His way to bless me, though I don't deserve it!  Praise and glory all to the Lord!

Time to wake The Colonel, and get started for the day!

This is Working Great!

I am down another 1.6 lbs.  I don't know when this trend is going to slow, but I will take all I can get!  The thing keeping me going is that I still have plenty of fat that needs to go. 

It's kind of satisfying to be losing so well, but on the other hand, if I had never gotten this fat in the first place, I wouldn't have to do what I am doing.

So far, I have spent more than $500 on HCG, but it has been worth it.  I will spend another 200+ dollars before I am done.  Even at $700, losing this 140 pounds (all told) is still cheaper than one 40 day round at one of those Dr. offices (they want about $800 per round).

I do have to watch my water intake.  With it being so hot, you'd think that I would be drinking more.  And I am drinking a lot, but since I am sweating a lot too, it's not evening out. I will be increasing by at least one extra bottle of water (about 120 oz), which surprisingly is the "rule of thumb" about how much water you should drink (1/2 your body weight in oz).

I got the "girls" supported, but found a problem when I was in the shower yesterday, I can't bend over with my boobs flopping around.  Looks like I am going to have to shave before I am in the shower, since it's not practical to wear a bra in the shower!  What I need to do is start exercising my pectoral muscles, and get them strengthened up, I think that will help. 

Speaking of getting stronger, I also need to work my arms, and start seeing what I can do with these bat wings!  Not to mention that I need to start getting stronger all over.  If I lose all this weight, but stay weak, I am not doing myself any favors, and when the losses slow, I need some extra help in getting it off and keeping it off!

Current Pics and Updates

Well, today was pic day.  I have not been diligent in taking pictures the last few weeks, but (at least to me) the only way to see a difference is to compare from the beginning:

Me on Feb. 8th of this year @ 325lbs

Me today, @ 231.8 lbs

My measurements have come down 7" from 10 days ago!  I am really surprised that I am losing so well in the inches department.  Since I started in June (41 days ago), I have lost about 23 inches! 



Numbers That Boggle the Mind/The Holidays are Coming!

It's so weird looking back and I was at crazy numbers.  325 was the weight I started at in February of this year.  That is a crazy number that boggles the mind.  Another crazy number is 6, 6 months ago I was at 325, now sitting at 231 (that's 94 lbs!), I am just tripping on how much I have lost.  I still can't see it very well, except in the sizes of my clothing (more mind boggling numbers 28/30!), now I can fit into 22s, 20s, and even some 18s. 
I was remembering that at 14 I was a size 14! Mind boggling, isn't it?  At the end of this, I might be seeing 12s!  Me, at 45, in a 12?  NO WAY!!!
There is something else that's a 6, it's the number of pounds I am short of 100 lbs lost.  100 pounds!!!!
I will still have 40 lbs to my goal weight of 185, but that's not a crazy amount of weight.  Plenty of woman have 40 lbs to lose. 
Of course, once I hit 185, I don't plan to sit on my Laurels, in fact, I expect to be down plenty more for the holidays.  Maybe even the mid or lower 170's!  Me, at 170?  Crazy talk!  I am totally tripping!

Speaking of the holidays, they are just around the corner (I am already having my family start shopping, that way nobody gets hit all at once!), this always seems to be a difficult time for losing weight.  The temptations out there are grand and delicious.  I am learning that (especially when it comes to eating healthy) if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.  Food is the same whether it's Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year's Day, the food itself doesn't change.  Cake, cookies, puddings, pies, appetizers, sugary treats, all of it is still a No No for me.  I don't think the Lord Jesus will mind if I don't partake in Pumpkin Pie, just because my Aunt Betty made it (I don't really have a Aunt Betty, but I am sure someone does!). 

Since I do the bulk of the cooking, I am already scouring the Paleo cookbooks for those holiday goodies that won't put everyone into a gluten coma.  Since our vegan cousins don't talk to us much anymore (they don't like me, it's a Christian thing and a vegan thing not mixing, other than one of the cousins, they don't even know about the Paleo thing), I am not too worried about being invited to their Tofurky fest (yuck!).

I am thinking roast (roast beast as my middle son calls it), and plenty of veggies, with some fruit a whipped coconut cream!  If the In-Laws want pie, they can buy or make one themselves!  There is no reason to put my health aside just because of holidays, and no reason you should either. 

Anyone who would offer you stuff you aren't to have, should be met with a cold hard stare, and a question:  "if I was a raging alcoholic and just out of rehab, would you offer me a drink?"  I am an addict, my addiction is food (we covered this, right?).  One slip could very well kill me, not quickly, no, slowly, painfully, I will be widening out my grave I have just filled in!!  People do things for whatever reasons.  Some think that "it's just one", "what could it hurt", others are just perplexed and don't understand how hard it is to get down to a normal weight, and think "it's just one, one won't make you fat".  Others, who have that journey to health to still make, would just love to see you fail, since misery loves company.  And loved ones, just want to share the love through food!

If you are going to be around for the holidays, have a plan.  Let people know that you can't indulge in a bunch of holiday goodies.  If you were deathly allergic to something, you would inform your host/ess, right?  Inform your host/ess that you won't be eating certain foods, that you are sure are yummy, but you will just have to pass.  Don't make a big deal out of it, just keep passing the offending dish.  Have a game plan for you to deal with the holiday goodies, maybe a stick of minty gum, or chugging water.  If you have a portion control problem (I do!), have someone put your chosen items on your plate in a child's portion, or even load your own plate, like for a child. 

Remember, even if it's the holidays, it's one meat to two veg.  The more the veggies (especially raw) the more you can have!  Bring your own dessert (a fruity salad, or Paleo friendly treat) to share, so you can have "pie" and coffee with everyone else, if you can't stand to be different!

We must be vigilant and plan for as many encounters with food that we can (restaurants, buffets, parties, intimate dinners, picnics/BBQs, special occasions of all types).  The SAD basically lives and loves around food, you don't have to, and you don't have to be militant about it.  You never know who you are going to influence, by standing strong in your health, by not giving in to peer pressure (didn't think you would hear that one out of school, did you?). 

Standing strong!  Living strong!  Being strong!

Sore Boobs, Carb Crunchers, and Another Deca-Week Has Ended

Lots going on!  OK, not really, my life is pretty mundane!

Sore boobs.  Oh man, it's like all the skin and muscles are ripping down the sides of both my breasts, problem?  Ill-fitting bras.  The girls are-a-shrinking, along with the rest of me.  Because I was trying to tough it out until I get closer to goal, I haven't gotten any new underwear or bras.  That changed, I bought some no name brand sports bras to sleep in, and a new bra to wear during the day.  Last night I got some good sleep because there was no pain anytime I turned over!

I have renamed the adults in my household "carb crunchers".  These people eat all day long!  Except for my MIL, they will hardly touch dinner, then dive into chips, ice cream, cookies, candy, 20 minutes after dinner!  Mind you, they have the smallest portions of meat and veggies, then claim "I am stuffed", then start walking around the house with a bag of BBQ chips!  I have tried to explain to The Colonel that I think that he and my FIL have a Leptin problem, but neither will look up the info, since they aren't "fat" per se, they don't think that they have a problem.  I might have a problem, 'cause I am fat, but not them.

So, another 10 days down and plenty to show for it.  It has been a struggle, not anything that I can't stand against, because the pay offs are extraordinary!

Total, I've lost 8.2 lbs, but during that 10 days I had one bad day where I gained 3.4, so my losses got reduced to just under 5 lbs.  But that is still a half pound a day.  5lbs a "week" is pretty awesome.  The "powers that be" claim a pound a week is "safe".

There are products that advertise that in a year you could lose a whole 20 lbs.  20 lbs?  Are you kidding me? 

I understand where they are coming from.  Lose weight slowly.  Learn new eating habits.  For the obese, give your skin time to retract.  But when you are staring down your own grave, 20 lbs a year doesn't cut it.  I would have taken me 7 years to lose that 140 lbs that I am shooting for.  Instead, I have already learned a new way of eating.  I now know that I cannot live to eat.  I have found my triggers that cause emotional eating binges.  I also had that "moment of clarity" that many addicts have before they stop taking drugs/alcohol.  The difference is that you can go your whole life without taking drugs or drinking alcohol, I, on the other hand, cannot live out the rest of my life without eating.

Maybe it's time for obesity to be put higher on the list of addictions.  Fat or skinny, you will find people who are "addicted" to something food related.  Instead of pointing a finger at the overweight/obese person and judging them "weak", take a look in the mirror.  Some folks can eat what they want (healthy or not) when they want, and don't gain weight.  If you are thin (then I am wondering why you are reading my blog), and have friends or loved ones who are over weight, figure out how many times you are judgemental when they eat something that they "shouldn't" have, then figure out how many times you offer something they "shouldn't" have, because it's a "special occasion".  How many times have you said, "oh, you shouldn't be on that diet" "you need to lose weight in a healthy way" "it's calories in/calories out, you just need to reduce your calories and workout more" "here, have a piece of little Johnny's birthday cake, you lost 10 lbs, it won't hurt you."

As someone who has been fat my whole life, some of the worst examples of "health" are the thin/skinny people.  Those who will look down their nose at you because you're fat, but be the first ones to shove it into your face that they can eat whatever they want.

Through HCG, I have learned that I am in charge of me.  Anyone who would try to talk me out of HCG, or talk me into bread, will be the first ones I just might punch in the face (I would politely decline first, but if it was pushed...).  I see The Colonel trying to do that every now and again.  Offering me things he knows that I don't eat.  Why?  Because I am his partner in crime.  He knows that if I am having a bad day, I would turn to food for comfort.  He truly believes that he is offering me something that would make me "feel" better.  But, 2 minutes of eating a foot long Subway sandwich, is not going to make my day better, in fact in the long run, I will feel worse.  But, it isn't up to other people to take away my pain.  It's up to me to deal with my pain (or anger, or frustration, or being sad) without eating.

I will stand by my knowledge that I am only one slice of bread from 325 lbs.  Why?  Because:  My name is Rusty, and I am a food addict. 

Goal: 10% lost!

I woke up to  a 1.4 lbs loss!  That brings me to 26 lbs lost, which is one of my goals for this round;  to lose 10% of my starting weight.  I am just under 10 lbs from the century mark!

I won't lie, it's getting harder.  But, if I stay the course, I will see some great results.  I am planning on doing another LRx when I am finished, I believe that the LRx works really well with P3.  It keeps the restraints on just diving into whatever, and it works with the hypothalamus (which HCG resets).  I also like starting the day with breakfast, so bonus/score!

And, of course, I maintain my Paleo eating habits.  I just must make sure that I go bigger on veggies, and keep my protein portions within reason.  I am looking forward to a life time of maintenance and wondering where my body is going to end up.  As long as I stay below 185, I will be a happy human.

50 more pounds, and I will be there!

Trucking forward...

Another day, another pound!  Yippee!

I am being so careful about what I am eating, not being at all loosey goosey!  Right now, sugar is my enemy, so I am skipping all fruit for the time being.

With protocol, you can really see what foods are damaging to your system.  I watch some who go rogue with all the food.  Subbing one for another, figuring that it's all good, since the calorie count is the same.  But it's not the calories, it's the food itself.  P2 is boring for a reason, it's a no fat diet.  In case you don't know, fat = taste.  The foods were chosen for their nutritional density and low fat content, not for fun or flavor.  I think the biggest lesson that some folks are missing out on is that you should only eat to live, not live to eat.

It goes right back to what I posted before.  If food is the center of a function, and you can't say no, then the problem lies with you, not the food.  If you can't say no to a piece of pie or cake because "it's a special occasion" then when do the regular days start?  We can make anything a "special occasion", and fill our mouths with crappy food that is only going to make us sick and eventually fat!

Well, with another pound down, I find that I am back into virgin fat territory!  Yea!  I only have a couple of pounds to go, to reach my 10% lost.  I only have 10.4 lbs to go to reach 100 lbs lost!  After that, I will be just 40 short pounds away from my goal of 185.  Imagine being under 200 lbs?  I can't.  I still can't wrap my head around being 235!  89 pounds ago I was over 300, and the best I could do was 275, now I am 40 pounds lighter than that!  Amazing and weird (but in a good way!).

Onward and downward!

Another pound down

Yep, one more pound lost!  Yea me!  I am just 11 pounds away from 100 lbs lost!  I only have 51 more pounds to go to reach my goal.

I am hoping to end my "deca"week in new virgin fat territory.  Maybe even meet my 26 lbs lost goal (but that's four pounds away, and I only have three days).

My outlook is getting brighter with my losses.  I have to latch on to these right now.  The whole diet thing is getting harder.  I am feeling hungrier, but right now I am skipping my fruit,  just until I get the excess gains off.  I am only .2 of a pound from new loss numbers.

It is so weird.  I have always been the fattest person in any setting, including a weight loss forum, but I am noticing that there are women who are bigger than me.  Ladies at 265 or 240 something, and I have to wrap my mind around this.  It's like I have lost the corner market in being fat.  Then I start wondering if they are going to start losing faster, and leaving me in the dust.  The weird thoughts of a crazy woman!

I must start my day, but I am starting it another pound lighter!

Things are looking up...

Woke up to a 2 lb loss!  Very exciting!  I am still 1.5 lbs from virgin territory, but I am getting back on track.
I am watching some of the people on the HCG Forum, and someone brought up how boring the P2 diet is.  Yes, it is boring.  Same old, same old, kinda thing.  But, should food be exciting?  Isn't making food a reason for living the major problem for overweight people? 
We really shouldn't use food as a center piece for living.
People complain that they are going to a party and don't want the P2 restriction.  Others claim being on vacation is an excuse to do a PI.  Why?  Unless your vacation is climbing K2, why restrict? 
I notice a goodly portion of folks also drink, and just can't leave the alcohol alone during the HCG time. 
I am no one's goody goody, I loves my margaritas (tequila is made from the agave cactus so it is more on track with Paleo)!   I know some people like their beers and wines, but can't it wait? 
Others are talking about a lifetime of HCG correction.  I would think that it would be better to use HCG, lose the weight, and while losing, learn to eat in a more healthy manner.
Is missing out on sweet treats really a reason to dive in head first into a box of doughnuts?
If you don't eat a piece of your child's birthday cake?  What about eating out?  Will your friends and loved ones think less of you because you don't eat all the fried foods?  If they would think less of you, they really aren't your friends and don't really love you.
I was thinking about how folks treat fat people.  I am going to remember who treated me like a real person and who blew me off, because of my weight.  It's really easy to love people who are like you, but folks who have something major to deal with (fat, missing limb, deformity, being different...) are just not seen.  We as a species are fickle.  We only seem to love those who are pleasing to the eye, and since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, each person sees beauty differently. 
I have been ignored, I have been insulted, all because I am fat.  But, soon, I won't be fat.  I will blend in with the general populace.  Those that wouldn't give me the time of day will get cursory pleasantries.  Those that were always kind, will receive the same in return.
I know, I am being bitchy, but after a lifetime of being treated like  pariah, I won't be set apart and be made special just because I am at a normal weight.
Yes, I am going to remember.

A loss, but still having doubts

I dropped 1.6 lbs, which is good, definitely not great, but better than nothing.  I am still feeling defeated, but am hanging in there.

Hopefully tomorrow will show the same type loss (more would be better).  I was feeling hungry before and after lunch yesterday.  But, I was also very late in taking my HCG, so I am going to chalk that one up to "silly me".

I still have my worries and doubts, but am going to power through.  If I could lose a couple of pounds daily, that would be great, it's not going to happen, but even a couple of pounds every couple of days, is very good losses.  I am just pissy 'cause I wanted the big 4 and 5 lb losses, that I didn't get this time on R2.

Time to stop being pissy, and just move on with the program.  I am going to get to my goal.  We were talking cruises last night.  I can travel, well, almost, eyes on the prize!

Is it working?

So far, nothing.  I didn't lose anything today.  Of course, I didn't gain either.  I am very concerned that HCG is now a thing of the past for me.

Today, I will be aware of my hunger levels.  500 calories is way too low for living without HCG (because the HCG releases the abnormal fat for energy).  Without HCG's help, I will start burning structural fat and muscles, not good, not healthy.

On today's menu will be fish and celery, and maybe chili for dinner, but then again, I am thinking some chicken and tomatoes from my garden, holding off on the beef for right now, until that scale starts moving.

I have almost 5 lbs to lose before I am even close to where I left off. 

What I fear most is that the HCG isn't working, and I am going to have to Paleo my way down.  That will work, of course, but it will take at least a year to get there, as opposed to 2 months with HCG.

The sad thing is that my beloved Colonel and I were talking about what to do on our anniversary, and HE suggested flying out to Vegas!  He was comfortable with me being on an airplane (without having to buy 2 seats), but now that I am not losing, I still don't think I would fit on a airplane seat.  To have to go through what other fat people have gone through would be too damaging in my quest for health.

Imagine some anorexic (or even worse, some over weight) airline counter person saying that you are so fat that according to the airline you equal 2 people!  Now, I understand that the greedy airlines need to think about weight when taking off, but considering that they store cars and elephants in the cargo hold, I don't think my 241 lbs would make that much of a difference.

The Colonel doesn't want to go through the embarrassment of travelling with a fatty, and I certainly don't want to be that fatty whose being bullied.  Plus, we couldn't afford an extra seat anyway!

All I can do, is stick to protocol.  At 500 cals/day I am guaranteed to lose weight, irregardless of HCG, but I have to watch for unusual hunger pangs, emotional extremes, and being lethargic. 

I am not much into the "power of positive thinking".  I have always been a pessimist.  While things are going well, it's easy to be looking toward the future, but when things take a turn for the worse, it really makes a rosy outlook hard.

Tomorrow will show some improvement, it has to, or else I am f@#$ed!

HCG is in

My HCG came in yesterday afternoon, and I started taking it again last night.  Lucky me, I woke up to a 3.2 lb gain (sarcasm dripping here).  Now I am wondering if HCG will work for me at all anymore.

Times being what they are, it was either get extra HCG or feed the family, and while I am hugely fat, my family is not.  I will have to order more HCG in the beginning of August, to ensure that I don't run out again, that is, if this newest bottle is even going to work for me anymore.  The bottle itself is good, I tested it.

I am just venting.  I am praying and crossing fingers that I am not immune to HCG.  If I am, I will continue to take this bottle and stick to protocol (500 cals will make you lose weight anyway).  If I don't see any decent losses, I will order a round of inject-able HCG, and see what happens.  If that doesn't work, then I will just have to stick to Paleo and exercise and lose weight (super slowly) naturally. 

It will take a year or more to get the rest of my weight off, rather than the 2 months on HCG.  That sucks, but I do know that Paleo works, just slower.

Maybe this is just a water retention gain, and I am just being a worry wart. 

Friday my HCG is due...

...and I can't wait!  After another gain, I had to do a steak day, which removed my gain, but am still 1.4 lbs over PI start weight. 
After doing some math, I am 52.8 lbs from 185.  My goal is 185.  That will be the perfect launching point for Paleo living.  Small enough to be "normal", but with room to let healthy living do it's job.  I am not interested in being a swizzle stick, I just want to be healthy and a normal weight.  I want to be able to live, learn and love.  Two of those I have (learn love), but living is still just a bit beyond my grasp, although it's getting better.
Right now, I am in an in-between stage:  not huge but big, not small but not as large either.  Bottom line:  still fat.  Still too fat. 
And I won't be "thin" at 185, but at least I will be manageable.
So it looks like that I will need at least 3 bottles of HCG, counting the one I will get on Friday.  So, come August, I will order 2 more bottles (no more planned interruptions, they suck, I've missed out on getting closer to the 20's this week), and hopefully, will see some big numbers gone by the end of next week, maybe into the 20's.  Right now, I am looking forward to the 3 lbs gone, which will be my next goal of 10% of my R2 starting weigh (26 lbs).  Then, 10 more pounds beyond that will see me at 100 lbs lost! 
One hundred pounds!  The century mark!  Totally awesome!
Then I will be shooting for the teens, the zeros, 200 even, 90's, 80's, GOAL!!!

2 months.  Fast or slow, I have 2 months to go... (ha, I'm a poet!).

Tomorrow is picture measurement day, yuck.  Until then....

Stupid Watermelon

Summertime, the time of watermelon!  Unfortunately, watermelon and HCG protocol don't mix.  The high sugar content of watermelon make it a no no!
Too bad for me that I indulged in watermelon and I am paying a 1.4 lb gain, which sucks.  I will be sticking to my PI/P3/LRx thing that I am doing while I wait, impatiently, for my HCG.
Gary @ Body Shapers says that he will be shipping today, and send my tracking info tomorrow.  I am hoping UPS hauls butt and gets my HCG to me by Wednesday.  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst (Friday delivery), either way, I am looking forward to getting back on the drops, and get this weight off!  I have 40 more pounds (at least) to lose before I can start my lifetime transition. 
Crossing fingers, toes, eyes, and anything else that I can for luck!

Confirmation of shipment!

Yesterday I received an email from my HCG guy that my HCG will be shipped on Monday.  I am hoping for a two day delivery, but it may be four days. Either way, I will watch for a tracking number, and track my HCG each step of the way!

My PI has been going well.  I am holding steady, and hoping for a weight drop soon.  I started my monthly (a week early, thanks HCG).  Once I cycle thru, I am hoping for another loss.  I am being careful to eat a high protein breakfast, and have dinner around 3-ish, which holds me until the next day.

Good news, as I was trying on a skirt, I tried on a size 16, and although it didn't fit, I not only got in it, I was able to zip it up!  It looked horrible, but I got in it, and there was no elastic!  With the fat in motion, it's going to be hard to get into the smaller sizes so that they look good, but I am getting in them, very exciting!  I need to find me a girdle!

Planned Interruption

Well, today is my first true PI day.  The last 3 days were for transitioning from HCG, today, I made sure to have a high protein breakfast, which will hopefully, carry me to dinner.  If not, I will have a salad to tide me over.  The one thing that is nice about a PI is getting back to some fats, and getting to eat with the fam.

I am hoping to receive my HCG on Wednesday (11th), then I will start right back up. 

I did drop 1.2 lbs this morning, which is happy news.  What I am not happy about is my fat being back in motion, congregating at my belly, and leaving the upper part of my body again.  I was trying on some clothes to find something to wear to a wedding.  I left the store in tears because everything looked horrible on me.  Between the fat being in motion, so my body is uneven right now, and having really old and unsupportive underwear, I was just a mess!
On a lighter note, I could fit into XL/18s, bonus score!
Until later!

Apple days suck, but it worked!

I woke up to a 2.4 lb loss!  Apple days suck!  Now, I am in transition for my PI.  It's nice to drink coffee right off the bat, rather than wait 30 minutes, but still, I would rather be getting this next 38 lbs off and get into Onederland!

I am less than 4 lbs from my goal of 10% lost, and have achieved my first goal of the 30's!  Everything is still on track.  I will keep a sharp eye on my intake, these 3 days will be at 500 cals, then I will add about 300 more by either doubling my protein or adding a "breakfast".  I am going to keep the fat intake to a minimum, so I will be P2 just with more food.

It may not be a disaster, but....

I got an email telling me that my HCG will not be shipped before Monday, July 9th.  NOOOOOOOO!  I was planning on toughing it out for a week, but 2?  Not happening.

I am at the very bottom of the bottle, so tomorrow I will do a planned interruption (PI).  I will continue to eat 500 cals for 3 days, then up my calories to 800-ish, sticking to protocol foods only, not actually going into P3.  Hopefully, my order will arrive on Wednesday the 11th, which will only leave me without HCG for 8 days.

I don't know what kind of trouble this is going to cause with my weight loss. I believe most of my problems will be mental.  Hopefully, I can remain focused (eyes on the prize).  I will just make sure that I keep my protein up, which is most vital.

Day 20 and in a stall....

Bummer!  I was hoping to reach the 30's before my deca-week ended, but, alas, it was not to be.  I have had a couple things working against me;  yesterday was a skip day, which is normal to stall out, and secondly, I am almost out of HCG, so I am at the bottom of the bottle, which tends to be less potent (in my opinion).
I ordered my new bottle 2 days ago, but it probably won't be here 'til next Friday, it was Friday when I ordered, this week is the 4th of July, and it hasn't been sent off yet.  Oh my, I may have to wait until Saturday.  I will make what I have left last as best I can,  and if I run out, I run out, I will just keep to protocol, and when my HCG comes in, I will take my first dose like a loading day (six drops 3X/day) and then go back to normal. 
Just the mental part of this is normal.  "I don't have my HCG, I can't possibly lose any weight without it, oh NO!!!!!", which I know not to be true.  But knowing a thing, and putting it in action, are two different things.

Oh a grander note:  I am 15 lbs from 100 lbs lost.  ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!  That is so incredible!  Then, I will be a short 26 lbs from "ONE"derland!!!!!

Revised goals:
1. Reach the 30's.
2. Lose 10% of my starting weight (26 lbs).
3. Reach 100 lbs lost.
4. Get to "one"derland.

All are achievable!  I am very excited!