Friday, June 29, 2012

The 30's are in the Shadows...

I reached 240 today!  Yea me!  I have passed the 20 lbs lost mark, my first goal is in sight, reaching the 230's (yes 239.9 counts!).  My second goal, 10% of my starting body weight (of Round 2), is not far away.  That would be a loss of 26 lbs (5.6 to go).

After those, it will be getting to the 20's, then the 10's, then the 0's, then to "one"derland!  I would like to be in the solid 190's before I stop, then I will let Paleo and exercise carry me to where my body is naturally comfortable at (I am hoping for the 160's, any less and I will look too thin, as if!).

Diet, in conjunction with exercise, is the best way to lose weight.  But, when you are looking at high numbers, a strained body, bad habits, and a broken metabolism, sometimes you need the extra help, and cannot just rely on conventional wisdom (CW), which is not One Size Fits All.

Too many times I hear from so many about all the things they can't give up.  The "I can live without..." excuses.  From thin to fat and everyone in between.  I have nothing against a "treat" every now and then, but to drink soda (diet or otherwise) everyday, by the litres?  Why?

Maybe it's time for America to really take a good, long, hard look at what we are calling "food".  I have nothing against Capitalism, in fact, I am all for it!  My beef is with people who won't be responsible for their choices.  I will be the first to admit that I didn't make good choices.  I would eat 2 Big Macs (and fries and a super sized soda) and be hungry for an apple pie (or 2).  I could eat a whole Little Caesar's Pizza, all by myself, and have bread sticks on top of that (soaked in Ranch Dressing of course).  BAD CHOICES.  Not McDonald's.  Not Little Caesar's.  Me.

The lesson is in the learning.  I had to learn all about food.  What makes it good, what makes it bad.  There is such at thing as "too much of a good thing". 

There is an Obesity Epidemic in America.  Not because of bad food (which there is plenty of), but because of bad choices.  Bad choices are the result of people remaining ignorant.  I know it is cute to do your best Forrest Gump and say "stupid is as stupid does", but it's not stupidity, it's something more deadly, ignorance.  Keeping yourself ignorant is a choice, too.  Life is about learning, whether you are smart or stupid, there is no reason to not continue to learn.  If you are obese, you need to learn what you are doing wrong.  If it's medication making you fat, get off the meds (losing weight will help!).  If you are diabetic, your food is killing you, piece by piece (toes, feet, lower leg, upper leg, eventually dead).  Don't eat the "Diabetic Associations" approved food.  The "slow release carb" drinks aren't doing you any favors.  How about getting rid of the grains and sugar?  Make it a trade, lose the grains and sugars and keep your feet.

OK, off my soapbox.  Now that I am on the road to health, I can't help but see all those who are living in ignorance.  Riding around in the grocery stores in those electric carts (because they are obese and it hurts to walk), loaded with diet soda, frozen pizza, loaves of bread (whole wheat, so it's healthy, right?  Wrong!), chips, 100-calorie packs, and lo-cal microwave frozen dinners.  Is it working?  Or, are they heavier now then before?

I have chosen.  I may not be choosing perfectly, but I am choosing better. 

Everyone has choices, what will they choose?

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A Whoosh On a Skip Day

I woke up to a 2.2 lb loss.  Very exciting!  Yesterday I had my well deserved (and needed) throne time.  Which, I am sure, really helped this mornings losses.

The greatest part of yesterday was me putting on my size 22 jeans and finding them way too big!  I tried on my size 20 cords, and there were just right!  Now, I am hoping that I can fit into my size 20 shorts, but they run a bit smaller than my cords.  I am also going to pull out my size 18's and see how I do.

My biggest obstacle is my belly, I lose the weight, but my belly stays the same!  I have found during round one, that I will lose inches every where EXCEPT my belly, then once I am of HCG, everything redistributes, with my belly becoming the sole donor to all my other areas!

I did do my measurements a couple of days ago, and found that I lost 7" overall.  None in my belly/waist area, but in my shoulders, neck, thighs, chest and calves.  I am now at a 40 chest, but my cup size didn't go down, which is making me more chesty.  I am going to blame bad bra for this.  In September, I will get some new underwear.  I was going to do this a month ago, but I still can't see any loss.

This is becoming a real trust game, because I see the scale going down.  I see the numbers on my tape measure getting smaller. I see my sizes shrinking, but I cannot see it in my own body.  The question really becomes, how can we see our body image so far off the mark?  Even in my photos, I am still 325 lbs, no matter what I weigh.  At least, I understand what the anorexics are thinking and seeing. 

I am going to lose all I can within the next 2 months and 3 weeks.  My goal is below 200, my hope is 175, my dream is 150.

I have lost 16 lbs so far, which puts me 45 lbs from goal.  I can totally do that!  That will be 61 lbs total lost.  From there, I can Paleo my way into the 180's and downward.  If I start exercising, I will be gaining plenty of muscle, and tighten up a bit.  I read about plenty of women who will try to HCG their way into the "perfect" weight.  That last 10 or 15 lbs, to get them to the bottom rung of their BMI.  Too many who don't change their eating habits, leaving HCG and head right over to the Pizza Hut for a large Combo and a pitcher of beer, and then wonder why they have to keep coming back to the HCG.

Maybe it's because they were never really fat?  Our society is really messed up.  Body image is hard enough when you are really fat (that would be 50+ pounds over norm), but for some walking, talking hanger to cry over 10 lbs makes me want to puke!  10 lbs?  Really?  Seriously?  I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for someone being 10 lbs "overweight" when they are comparing against the lowest number on the recommended weight to height ration.  Like I am to be somewhere between 125 to 182, that's a huge range!  If I was crying about being 135, nobody would take me seriously either!  I am 5'9" tall, I would be a swizzle stick! 

Many are figuring out that the BMI scale is bogus.  I still use it, 'cause I want to move from Obese to just Overweight, that would make me happy.  Beyond that?  I don't give a crap.  I am fat now, and strong.  I have pretty good endurance (not great, I am still fat..).  I can lift heavy things and throw them.  If I have to run, I can (I just bounce around a bunch).  Could I lift a burning car off someone?  Don't know, I haven't had the opportunity, but I would try (Incredible Hulk, anyone?).

Strong is the new Skinny, that's the new Paleo saying.  I am not into lifting weights, and will probably not CrossFit with the rest of the Paleo community.  I will be more Grok-like, and start incorporating lifting heavy things, and sprinting a bit, definitely incorporate more play.  I want to hike and explore and do all the things I was embarrassed to do at 300 + lbs.  I want to jet ski.  I want to go to the fair or amusement park and ride the rides, without worrying whether I'll fit or not.  I want to fly somewhere in an airplane, and not have to buy two seats.  I want people to not ignore me, just 'cause they can't stand to talk to fat people.  I may be 45 years old, but I have missed so much being fat, it's like I am 20 in the things I want to do!

That's what keeps me going.  I have two small children to see grow up.  They need to live life, not hide in the house, because their fat mother couldn't get out and do stuff with them. 

45 pounds and counting!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Needing "Throne Time"

This is a TMI posting, so reader beware....

I am on VLCD 12, finally breaking a short stall (2 days), but I think my stall has more to do with a lack of "throne time".  On Round one I didn't have a problem with BMs until the end of my round, but I have also been Paleo and obviously not eating enough fiber!  On HCG, I tend to gorge on lettuce (romaine, not ice burg), but still, it's not enough.  I have increased my magnesium intake, but it looks like a Smooth Move cup of tea is in my future (yuck!).  As Ron White says, "I am going to back into a new wardrobe"!

OK, we've covered poop, what's next, ah yes, saggy skin.  I still think for the most part that my skin is already a lost cause, but that doesn't stop me from flapping my arms (my bat wings), staring at the "elephant" thighs (not because they are fat, but because they are saggy), the "apron" I am gaining with my belly sagging down.  Ugh!  Did I mention that my boobs are a bit saggy?  Like all the way down to my waist!

Turns out that the whole "you can donate loose skin to a burn center for free surgery", is an Urban Legend.  Nope, you are stuck trying to find wholesale plastic surgery.

I am still not sure about prices, but boobs will be about 5 to 7k each, my bat wings will be about 5k-ish (and will probably need PT).  My belly?  about 10-15k and a weeks worth of recovery.  My thighs?  Don't know. Either way we're looking at 20 to 30k, and since we don't have that kind of money, and I don't have a marketing strategy to cash in on my weight loss and Paleo lifestyle,  I guess I am SOL, at least until I come up with an idea. 

I would rather be thin with saggy skin, then fat with taunt but incredibly stretched to the max skin.  And, is surgery really worth it?  Going under a general anesthetic is not always wise.  I am losing weight to improve my health and live my life, not get thin to put my life in jeopardy!

With today's choices of Lycra and spandex, I can squeeze the whole mess in.  I may have to forfeit shorts and skorts, but there's always peddle pushers (clam diggers) and "flower child" skirts.  For swim wear, I am thinking of a surfer shirt and trunks, but I could always switch to board shorts.  No more tanks, but I am single handily bringing back the 80's, I can wear tanks with an open Hawaiian print shirt over them, to go with my Farrah Fawcett hair!

Off to deal with the kids!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Losing, gaining, losing again

My body is fickle!  I had lost 1.4 lbs, only to gain it back the next day, now am 1.8 lbs down. 

You really have to track what you eat and when you eat it.  My gain could have been a number of things.  Apples:  I had an apple, which by the end of my Round 1, was causing gains, looks like there will be no more apples for me!  Eating after 7 pm:  This was when I had the offending apple.  Or, possibly stress in general.  We have been trying to quit smoking, and my kids plus the neighbors kids were driving me up a wall!!!!

It's funny how the little things can derail what you are doing.  Eating can be a chore, until you make your ideal eating patterns a habit.  There are rules within rules.  With HCG, eating on protocol is easy, you get X, Y, and Z, this is really easy, since you are so limited.  Then there are the peripheral rules, that you find out for yourself, like not eating late in the day.  When I was doing the Leptin Reset (LRx), I would eat my BAB (big ass breakfast) and a lunch at around 2 pm, but would not eat dinner, since I wasn't hungry.

Once I finish with this round of HCG, I may do another LRx, to make sure that the reset of my hypothalamus took.  I will know, if I don't feel the need to snack.

I am looking forward to a lifetime of Paleo eating.  I am also looking forward to being able to exercise.  I am making plans of how to live after HCG.  I wish I could find a book about "The Care and Feeding of a New Skinny Body"  Everyone talks about how they lose the weight, with a bit of "happily ever after" for an ending.  Is it really "happily ever after"?  Or, is there more to it?  I am sure there is more to it.  For every pound I lose, I have to be two steps ahead to keep them gone.

What is becoming increasing difficult, is getting the family on board.  The Colonel is fine with plenty of meat and veggies when he can sit down and eat.  Unfortunately, when he is working, he doesn't have the luxury of being able to sit and eat, because he eats while behind the wheel of his truck, going from one stop to another.  He doesn't care for hard boiled eggs, which would be the perfect "go to food", also, he has a hard time with things like beef jerky, carrots, or anything else that is hard or crunchy.  I do make him "sandwiches" using either leaf lettuce or almond flour biscuits.  It's the side "dishes" that are hard.  He likes potato chips, which, since he's an adult and can make his own decisions, I still provide.  I did score a win with Lara Bars, which he really likes, but until I can figure out the recipe, I am stuck buying, but only when the Grocery Outlet has them, otherwise, they are very much out of our budget. 

With the Parents moving in, our food budget has skyrocketed, because I try to provide the best food possible.  Organic, Natural, et al. are all very expensive, so I have to compromise with standard issue at the grocery stores.  It's better than filling the family up on grains and such, but requires a bit of creativeness on my part.

Change is hard for everyone.  For me, it's learning how to eat like a normal person.  For the family it's learning how to eat differently from the rest of America.  That would be the America that is getting fatter and fatter, because the Nation is getting bad advice on what is healthy and what is not.  Grains are not healthy, fats are healthy.  Fake "heart smart" food is not healthy, meats/animal proteins are healthy.  We all agree that vegetables are healthy, but the "Powers that Be" tell us to limit our "intake", which is not healthy.  If you want to eat a platter of broccoli, please, dig in.  Eat vegetables till you can't eat any more!

Time to start the day!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Made it to the 40s!!!!

This is Day 6 VLC, and after a goose egg yesterday, I lost a pound this morning, which I know doesn't seem like much, but in the scheme of things, I am averaging 1.7lbs lost a day!  I am down 10.6 lbs from load weight. 
The 30s are just 10 short pounds away! 
I know my losses won't keep at this pace, but I should lose at a more steady rate, albeit slower.  Even going long, it will take at least 60 to 70 days to get down to 200, I am hoping.  If not, I am planning on doing at least 3 months (90 days) which should carry me to being below 200.  Anything in the hundreds will be awesome.  I have seen a one in front of my weight since, well, never in adult life.
I was thrilled to get my driver's license last month, for once I put my right weight on it!  Now I am more than 10 lbs lighter! 
Once I stabilize at 1XX, I will go ahead and get another new driver's license, new picture, real weight!
My very first DL said 180 as my weight, but I bet I was more than 200 then.  It was like reverse anorexia, I thought that I was thinner than I was.  Now, even though I have lost 75+ pounds, I can't see it, at all.  I am so used to being fat, that all I see is fat.  I have to rely on what the scale, tape measure and clothing size tell me, 'cause when I look down, I am still HUGELY fat!  Which I am, just not AS HUGE!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Down some more...

I woke up to a 3.2 lb loss, yea me!  It was weird to look at the scale, and think that I haven't lost anything!  This is all new territory too, so to not feel excited about this is just plain ole strange.  I am excited, losing weight is great, especially being able to do it so fast.  In 2 days I am down 5.6 lbs!  I am hoping to see the 40's in 2 or 3 more days.  That will be even more exciting! 

This round isn't going as fast as the last, but then again, I don't have as much to lose!  Yeah, I still have a lot to lose, but 60 lbs is already gone.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Had a loss...

On VLCD 1 of 2.4 lbs, pretty good, not fantastic, but good in of itself.  So my stats:  I actually got to "see" the shaping that the Body Shaper drops talked about!  Mostly had belly move up to the areas that lost the weight, and evened me out.

Here's my lastest (and worst pics):

260.4 lbs

My husband is a great guy, but he's no Ansel Adams (more like Gomez Addams, yummy!)

Even after a 60 lb loss, turns out I'm still fat!  OK, besides the belly, check out the bat wings!  What I do notice, is that my back fat has gone down A LOT!!  Hey, is that a butt?  Who knew I had a butt?!!! 

Well, one day down, bunches more to go!  Hopefully, I will drop another 1.8 lbs tomorrow, and start fresh at my pre load weight.  I am hoping to get into the 240's by weeks end (249.9 is the "40's"!).  Then I will be only 40-something lbs from 200!

Happy losses to me!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Back to VLC

This morning I am starting my very low calorie day (VLCD) at 260.4, which is a 4.4 lb gain loading, but still 4 lbs below my last drop weight (LDW). 

I am looking forward to losing my load weight today (hopefully!).  Funny, last round I ended my load days 4.2 lbs lighter!  Thinking about it though, I was also at 325 then (more than a 60 lb difference!), so it was inevitable that I would gain a bit.

This round is notorious for being slower in the losses.  It may take me longer to lose the same amount as I lost last time.  As of now, my goal is 61 lbs , which will put me in "one"derland (barely).  As always, I will play it by ear and by body.  My health is paramount, not being "skinny", so I will go as my body leads.  I took it as a good sign that I was dropping weight for no specific reason, and hope to continue losing while on VLC.

It is going to be harder, since we have more stresses in our lives with the Parents living with us and the kids just being the kids, but I am determined to lose this weight and be healthy!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Today's the Day!

My HCG came in yesterday, and I am on Load Day One!  My skip day is now Saturdays.  I am very anxious about whether the HCG will continue to work for me. 
I will be doing another long round, in hopes of reaching "one"derland.  I am planning for at least 3 months +. 
If I can get to my goal of 175, that would be fantastic, but that is a bit excessive (81 lbs), but, who knows.  I have dedicated this year to getting healthy, and the Paleo thing is working out great! 
I have country pork ribs cooking, load days are great!  I just have to make sure that I get plenty of fat into my body and give the HCG plenty to work with.  Since I am already in ketosis, the 500 cal diet should kick those belly fat cells to the curb. 
I will be working up a reasonable, but effective exercise plan.  I will be relying on Mark Sisson's advice for a good portion of the "Grok" type exercises and doing kettle weights.  With the summer season here, I want to do much more walking/hiking, but not excessively while on VLC.  500 cals a day is not enough to tackle the intense stuff.

I will be checking in with my starting stats and measurements, and the horrid picture.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Making progress without trying...

Cutting grains and sugars from my diet has been the best thing I could have done!  Everyday is bringing something new in health and weight loss.  I am currently 4 lbs below my last drop weight (LDW), but the fat shifting is still going on!  Of course, it also helps that I am in full ketosis (I don't burn carbs for energy, I burn fat).

I have been shopping in my own closet.  I have found a couple of skorts that I bought from a catalog YEARS ago (12 years to be exact).  One of them fit OK, the other was too small (although I could squeeze in them, blah).  Now, I am wearing the "too small" one and it fits perfectly!  Not to say I am a skinny minnie, but I am in virgin fat territory (VFT)!  Meaning, I am thinner then I have ever been before.

I will be ordering my next batch of HCG on May 22nd.  I will be ordering 45 days worth, and after 2 weeks, I find that the HCG is working well, I will order another 45 days worth and go long again.  It just works better for me, and I would never encourage anyone to deviate from Dr. S's protocol.

There is a lot to be said for having a new and in many cases, better outlook on life.  Having a life revolved around being fat, and frankly, eating to stay fat, is no life at all.  So many people sell themselves short.  On the HCG forum, so many tell me that they admire my strength, admire my will power, admire my staying power, and then say they could never do what I do.  That makes me sad.  Sad that they have so little faith in themselves.  I am not doing anything magical.  I am not even really trying.  What I am doing different is thinking.  I am weighing (no pun, truly) out the pros and cons.  Is it really a "con" to stop eating bread?  Bread (and it's various cousins:  cake, cookies, muffins, doughnuts...) is not the end all, be all of life.  If you were told by a doctor that bread was toxic to you, and would kill you the next time you ate it, would you really miss it?  Your life compared to a slice of bread, you choose.  That's where I am.  I am only 1 slice of bread from going back to 350 lbs +. 

Now that I am down 64 lbs, I don't want to go back up.  I have MONTHS invested.  Attitude adjustments, family changes, a healthy perspective instead of consistently being pessimistic.  Life holds new adventures and new challenges!  I have wasted my whole adult life hiding behind my big, fat belly.  Pretending that I didn't care.  Being "funny" and self depreciating.  Wishing that I could wear the cute clothes my friends were wearing.  Going into a 5, 7, & 9 store and being told that nothing would fit me (true story), to which my size 0 friend responded that all the clothes here were far to big for her!

Truly, I have no secrets or magic formulas.  I do not spend hours at the gym.  I am not doing much more than walking with a purpose and cleaning my house.  I am also eating healthy foods, being as clean as possible.  This Mother's Day, my middle son said to me "Mom, I like you", meaning "you look great!".  That warms my heart so much. 

Almost any diet will work, to a point, if you stick to it.  Yo-Yo dieting doesn't work for anyone.  Even if you don't want to "diet" per se, just eating veggies and meats, cutting out process foods, grains, starches, sugars, will show on your waist line.  Why not eat the foods that are good for you in any quantity you want?  Have real butter!  Eat steak!  How about a whole plate of yummy broccoli? 

Yeah, I am pushing Primal/Paleo.  Why?  Because it works.  I don't push HCG, mainly because even with all the research, there is still no rhyme or reason why it works for some and not for others.  Here is the best piece of advice I could give anyone.  Do your research!  With the Internet at almost every one's disposal, there is no reason that someone should live in ignorance.  Get different opinions, research the pros and cons, study both sides of a diet.  Keep an open mind.  Don't get locked into an idea, just because it sounds good.  A friend of mine said that she was going to do HCG, since I had lost so much weight.  I advised her to look it up, yes, HCG makes it easy to lose weight, but ONLY if you stick to the 500 cal diet.  A diet that consists of restrictive food, no treats, no fat, no variety.  She started arguing for her favorite foods (broccoli, zucchini, brussel sprouts, green beans, none of which are permitted in P2), then for her favorite meats, then about drinks, then she decided that HCG wasn't for her.  Being 20 and in college makes doing HCG downright hard!  Being 45 with small children to take care of makes HCG easier to use (at least for me!).

I have said before, my goal is to be healthy, to live long enough to see my children grown, losing weight is just a side effect (and a good one too!).  If health is your goal, why not start researching?  Read, read, read.  Get different opinions.  Find out what works for you.  Here are a few suggestions:

Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats  by Sally Fallon and Mary Enig

This one is on my Kindle.  I listed this one first, because it's a hard hitter, but isn't preachy about one way of eating.  One of the best books to learn about how food affects the body.

Real Food What to Eat and Why  by Nina Planck

This is the book that started it all for me.  This is where I started learning about whole food/real foods.  This is also the first time I read about someone who was vegan and found out that the vegan diet was lacking to the point of illness.

Primal Body Primal Mind by Nora T. Gedgaudas

A lot of science and research went into this one.  A lot of why's and what for's are answered.  Although a bit different from the other Paleo/Primal stuff out there, Nora's info is well organized and told with a bit of humor.  The best part is that in information isn't "dumbed down", but put out straight across, some thinking required!

Those are great starter books.  Give them a shot, see what you think!

*Note*  A bit of editing and addition was put to this posting.  My 4 yo decided to type up some opinions, except, he doesn't type!  All was corrected on June 6th, 2012.

123345678901111111111 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

A Surprise!

This morning I woke up to a weight of 257.4 (8.2 below LDW).  What a great surprise!  I am solid into the 250's, and hope to stay there, even through loading (should start Saturday).  As I have said before, I am hoping that the HCG will work, and I have similar good losses like I saw in my first round.  Just to add to the fun, The Colonel has decided that we should quit smoking!  Yippee (said dripping with sarcasm)!  He is outside smoking the "last cigarette", and I am becoming super bitch.  We tend to feed off each other, so as long as one (me, this time) sticks to their guns and stays quit, then the other will follow suit.  As soon as I cave, we will both be smoking.  Uggh!!  It should be interesting, since I don't have a cigarette to turn to instead of eat!   I am applying the same attitude to stopping smoking as I have to losing weight.  Remember, it's not will power.  Will power is bullshit (can you tell I am jonesing for a smoke!).  It's a mind set.  If I had any will power at all, I would have never gotten fat and would have stopped smoking YEARS ago, or maybe not even started.

My email from bodyshaper tracking number says delivery will be on Friday.  So, that means my loading days will be Saturday and Sunday, and that Saturday will be my skip day.  It worked for me before, I am hoping to ride this boat again!!!!

Time to go print off my charts and graphs!  So on Saturday morning, I will weigh in, measure and take my beginning HCG/ending LeptinRx picture, and post all the scary numbers and picture!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Ordered my drops....

... and I am so ready to start!

I am still 2# below last drop weight (LDW), and have fluctuated from 259 to 263, which, in the scheme of things is really good!  I never did go above my LDW (thank you Paleo!).  I did recently have an increase due to either Little Caesar's chicken wings or the 3 Margaritas..., or maybe both.  Either way, chicken wings (and everything else at Little Caesar's) are off my list of things/places to eat.

I hope my drops will get here by Wednesday or Thursday, then I can start loading the very next day.  I have a back stock of 100g meat in the freezer, and will just be adding some London broil (poor, poor me!) and some chicken breasts.  The downside is that a favorite, asparagus, will be very hard (and expensive) to come by, since it's out of season.  I will be doing lots of lettuce and cucumbers and tomatoes, just not all at the same time.

I am hoping our food budget will go down a bit without me eating with the family.  The downside of Paleo/Primal is the expense of the food.  To stay on track, we just cannot run out of meat and veggies!  On the plus side, the Farmer's Markets are in full swing!  Yea!

I will post my starting stats on my starting day.  Until then!