Sunday, June 24, 2012

A Whoosh On a Skip Day

I woke up to a 2.2 lb loss.  Very exciting!  Yesterday I had my well deserved (and needed) throne time.  Which, I am sure, really helped this mornings losses.

The greatest part of yesterday was me putting on my size 22 jeans and finding them way too big!  I tried on my size 20 cords, and there were just right!  Now, I am hoping that I can fit into my size 20 shorts, but they run a bit smaller than my cords.  I am also going to pull out my size 18's and see how I do.

My biggest obstacle is my belly, I lose the weight, but my belly stays the same!  I have found during round one, that I will lose inches every where EXCEPT my belly, then once I am of HCG, everything redistributes, with my belly becoming the sole donor to all my other areas!

I did do my measurements a couple of days ago, and found that I lost 7" overall.  None in my belly/waist area, but in my shoulders, neck, thighs, chest and calves.  I am now at a 40 chest, but my cup size didn't go down, which is making me more chesty.  I am going to blame bad bra for this.  In September, I will get some new underwear.  I was going to do this a month ago, but I still can't see any loss.

This is becoming a real trust game, because I see the scale going down.  I see the numbers on my tape measure getting smaller. I see my sizes shrinking, but I cannot see it in my own body.  The question really becomes, how can we see our body image so far off the mark?  Even in my photos, I am still 325 lbs, no matter what I weigh.  At least, I understand what the anorexics are thinking and seeing. 

I am going to lose all I can within the next 2 months and 3 weeks.  My goal is below 200, my hope is 175, my dream is 150.

I have lost 16 lbs so far, which puts me 45 lbs from goal.  I can totally do that!  That will be 61 lbs total lost.  From there, I can Paleo my way into the 180's and downward.  If I start exercising, I will be gaining plenty of muscle, and tighten up a bit.  I read about plenty of women who will try to HCG their way into the "perfect" weight.  That last 10 or 15 lbs, to get them to the bottom rung of their BMI.  Too many who don't change their eating habits, leaving HCG and head right over to the Pizza Hut for a large Combo and a pitcher of beer, and then wonder why they have to keep coming back to the HCG.

Maybe it's because they were never really fat?  Our society is really messed up.  Body image is hard enough when you are really fat (that would be 50+ pounds over norm), but for some walking, talking hanger to cry over 10 lbs makes me want to puke!  10 lbs?  Really?  Seriously?  I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for someone being 10 lbs "overweight" when they are comparing against the lowest number on the recommended weight to height ration.  Like I am to be somewhere between 125 to 182, that's a huge range!  If I was crying about being 135, nobody would take me seriously either!  I am 5'9" tall, I would be a swizzle stick! 

Many are figuring out that the BMI scale is bogus.  I still use it, 'cause I want to move from Obese to just Overweight, that would make me happy.  Beyond that?  I don't give a crap.  I am fat now, and strong.  I have pretty good endurance (not great, I am still fat..).  I can lift heavy things and throw them.  If I have to run, I can (I just bounce around a bunch).  Could I lift a burning car off someone?  Don't know, I haven't had the opportunity, but I would try (Incredible Hulk, anyone?).

Strong is the new Skinny, that's the new Paleo saying.  I am not into lifting weights, and will probably not CrossFit with the rest of the Paleo community.  I will be more Grok-like, and start incorporating lifting heavy things, and sprinting a bit, definitely incorporate more play.  I want to hike and explore and do all the things I was embarrassed to do at 300 + lbs.  I want to jet ski.  I want to go to the fair or amusement park and ride the rides, without worrying whether I'll fit or not.  I want to fly somewhere in an airplane, and not have to buy two seats.  I want people to not ignore me, just 'cause they can't stand to talk to fat people.  I may be 45 years old, but I have missed so much being fat, it's like I am 20 in the things I want to do!

That's what keeps me going.  I have two small children to see grow up.  They need to live life, not hide in the house, because their fat mother couldn't get out and do stuff with them. 

45 pounds and counting!

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