Tuesday, February 28, 2012

She Shoots, She Scores!

Today I reached my 10% loss goal!  I am so happy. 
This is easy (in the overall scheme)!  I wish everyone could lose this well.  Sometimes I feel some "loser's remorse" at doing so well, but then again, I am really fat, so I have plenty to lose.
Once I get to a normal weight, I need to focus on something new.  Besides adopting a Paleo lifestyle (maybe make an appointment with Robb Wolf, he lives in the next town over), I need to seek out others who need to lose weight. 
Since I am in the know about most things fat, at least they can trust that I know what I am talking about.  Maybe go back to school?  But for what?  A govt education that will teach bad information?  Whole grains are good, blah blah blah...
Well, the Lord will show me what He wants me to do.  The whole problem with getting folks on board, is that they don't want to be responsible.  Take the magic pill/formula/plan and all the weight will come off "while eating your favorite foods".  Bull puckies!
Sometimes it's not fair.  Good people.  Decent people cannot eat like their friends and loved ones.  They can't celebrate with "normal" food.  How do you change that mindset in another person?  That the grain load, trans fat leaden, way too much sugar cake at a child's birthday party is a bad thing.  How can Breyer's ice cream be bad?  It's all natural, right?  Wrong.  It's low fat milk, with more sugar than it needs, and "enhanced" with natural flavors, why?  'Cause they used the "healthy" low fat milk and had to find taste somewhere, ah, chemicals!
What if it's your kid?  Do you keep giving your child the same things that made you fat and unhealthy?  Oh, and before anyone says it, no matter what your doctor says about your heart and blood work, if you are carrying extra weight, you are unhealthy, period.  I don't care what your BP is now, in a few tomorrows it will get higher.  I don't care how strong your heart is now, in a few years it will get weaker.  We consider it normal to GAIN weight as we get older (that's just how it is), that's not normal.  As we get older, shouldn't we get smarter?  Obviously not, if you accept that notion.
Are you one of those people who says they "can't live without" (fill your favorite here) soda, cheesecake, ice cream, chocolate, potatoes and butter, protein shake, french fries, Starbucks anything?  Here's a tip:  You can't live without air.  Everything else is a matter of how long you will choose to live, or how sick you will let yourself get, choosing these things.
No air, dead.  No water, dead, but in a couple of days.  No food, dead in a month or two.  Food, you pick.  A diabetic can kill themselves fairly fast, but piece by piece.  First a foot, than lower leg, then the other foot, then a whole leg, then the other leg.  Diabetes is no joke.  Why chance it if you could stop it before it starts?  Seriously, if I told you eating a Twinkie will force the medical profession to amputate your legs or you will die, would you still eat it?
Sometimes the smallest things shows us the biggest picture.
Now, back to happy thoughts.  Today is a 'skip day' for me.  Back to HCG tomorrow, and hopefully some weight loss!  Onward to my next goal of 275 (for a total of a 50 lb loss).

Sunday, February 26, 2012

HCG thoughts FDA thoughts Just thoughts

This morning sees me down some more.  I am at 294.6.  I am 2.1 pounds away from a 10% loss.  Yea!  The FDA has banned HCG for weight loss here in the states, and has managed to reach it's long (and slimy) arm across the waters to India, which has also banned selling HCG.  Why?  Glad you asked.  The FDA is gettting ready to approve a new "miracle" weight loss pill (Phen Fen anyone?), you can lose up to 10% of your body weight in one year.  One whole year!  Whoopie, what a deal!  As I have said before, I am only a couple pounds from a 10% loss, and that's in 3 weeks.

How am I feeling?  Elated!  This has been the best diet ever!  On the one hand, you learn, in a most dramatic way, that veggies are good for weight loss!  Who knew?!  And that you can eat a TON of them!  You also learn how important protein is.  Protein (from animal sources), is vital to building up your cells, and keeping fit.  You also learn that grains are not necessary.  Considering we live in a grains based society, this is radical news.  Check the ingrediants of anything boxed or processed, you will find corn (yes, corn is a grain, not a veggie).  It may be listed as high fructose corn syrup, but it's there. 

Oh, my mind is just jumping around all over the place.  Sorry, I am just not very focused today.  Back to the FDA.  Since the FDA is going to approve it's pill (o'death), it's has to stop everyone from looking at something that works.  Hence, the ban on HCG for weight loss.  HCG is legal for treating other conditions, such as low testosterone in men. 

So, those who believe the lies that HCG has no weight loss value will turn to the new pill.  But, if the pill is so great, and HCG doesn't work, why ban it for those who use it?  Because, in light of Phen Fen, who's going to trust what the FDA approves?  It's all about the money, honey.  The Pharma has paid the FDA big money to push their product.

If you ever wondered if evil had a name, I am here to tell you, it has many names, and one of them is FDA.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Moving Forward Watching all the Moves

This is my VLCD 15.  I woke up to a 2.6 lbs loss.  This is so exciting and motivating.  I have seen a total of 27.4 lbs lost.  Nearly 30 lbs in just over 2 weeks! 
The medical profession with it's "one pound a week" crap needs to go away.  I have said before, HCG isn't for everyone.  There are some out there losing better than I am, and there are some out there who aren't seeing the same losses I am. 
I'll say it again, it's all on mindset.  HCG is giving me that motivation to keep my mind focused.  With all the temptations out there, I can't relax my guard, ever.  Even when I am done with HCG, I cannot go back to what I was doing.  I can't have all the things that everyone else can have.  But, seriously, have you ever looked at "everyone else"?  Those people (or should I say sheeple) are led everywhere by their noses, afraid to make a stand, or even to make up their minds.
The "news" has a new weight loss pill that some Pharma paid the FDA to push through for mass distribution.  It claims that with it you can lose 10% of your body weight in about a year.  A YEAR???!!!??  Are they high?  Let's take me as an example, if I was on some carb saturated, low/no fat, fake food diet for a year, while taking this pill, how long would I last?  To lose (my 10% from start weight) 32.5 lbs?  A year to lose 30 lbs?  Even at a recommended "pound a week" those losses suck! 
Then there is HCG, which the FDA is cracking down on (the homeopathic stuff), that science can't figure out why it works for some and not for others.  Since it wasn't created in a lab, and no one has proprietary rights to it, there is no big Pharma to bribe the FDA, to bring it out of the fringes and offer overweight, especially obese people a way out.  HCG offers two things, it offers weight loss, and it offers an opportunity to change your life style.  What has HCG showed me?  Nothing I couldn't  have seen before if I had just opened my eyes.  It showed me that proteins and vegetables are healthy.  It showed me that carbs/starches/sugars are not healthy, no matter how much The Powers That Be tell you to get your fiber from cereal grains/whole wheat bread/franken-food in all forms (like that "heart smart" margarine that doesn't melt to a liquid, but instead stays a solid and melts like plastic into the bread.  Ewww, and folks eat that thinking that they are being healthy.  Shame on the food industry!).  Limit your intake of meat, 'cause it causes heart attacks, but encourages the use of Kraft products like Mac and Cheese? 
So, here's what I see.  A society getting fatter.  They are getting fatter and using more pharmaceuticals, which they only have 10 years to make a profit before their latest "magic pill" gets reduced to a generic brand.  Then, their profit margin goes down.  What's more important?  Human life or a profit margin?  Well, obviously it's all about the Benjamen's, right?
If you think human life is more important then you have to take your own life into your hands.  If you want to live, then you need to educate yourself.  The best place to start is nutrition.  What are sticking in your body?  If you buy prepackaged, over processed foods, you are lining the pockets of the big Pharma Corps with $$$.  Maybe not now.  Maybe now you are thin and healthy, but do love your Starbucks frappe, and only eat McDonald's once or twice a week, but you just have a Happy Meal.  Or, maybe you like Diet Coke/Pepsi, just to get going in the morning.  Coffee is really bad, with all that caffeine (except Starbucks, but that's different).  You don't even see a doctor, 'cause you don't need to.  Yet.  Yes, yet.  You will.  It will catch up, and a lot faster than you think.  Young people, even children have hypertension.  Crone's Disease.  Lupus.  ADD/ADHD.  Heart disease.  Arthritis.  Osteoporosis.  Anything in that group you don't mind having?  It all can be "treated" with pills and surgery.  How about Alzheimer's?  Are you OK with losing yourself?  Not knowing who the people around you are?  Alzheimer's is on the rise, and hitting those who are younger.  Everyone of these conditions can be traced back to nutrition.  Learn.  Don't listen to the mass media.  Don't be sheeple.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My First Mini Goal is Within Reach

I am now half a pound from my first goal.  It's not much (at least to those who aren't as fat as I am), but my first goal is to be under 300 lbs.  I'll even take 299.9 with relish (not the pickle kind).  In all theory, I have achieved this goal, because I wear my robe when I weigh (I feel stupid standing in the kitchen nekkid), and as much material that was used to make it must weigh at least half a pound, if not more!

My next goal will be to lose 10% of my original body weight (32.5).  That would put me at 292.5.  Then I start working for 275, 250, 225, 200.

If I can get down to 225, I will be a happy human.  Since I am doing this for a full 90 day (that may change, but that's the plan right now), I will take all I can get.  My losses are extraordinary! 

Last night, Pookers asked for strawberries and cucumber, so I hopped online to find a salad, and there was one from Food.com.  I had to alter it for protocol, but that was easy, and I could share with the whole family!  Next time I serve it, I will double the recipe (since that is where my calorie fillers come in!).

Today is a skip day for me (I don't take HCG to avoid immunity), my last skip day went alright, and I don't expect any drama from it, the kids?  Sure, huge amounts of drama from them!

So far this is smooth sailing.  I think that I am doing well because of researching out HCG, and being on the HCG Forum.  Through the Forum I have read what works for some, what doesn't work for others, and some trappings and mindsets that some people bring on themselves. 

There are those who are already thin, who think they need to be thinner, but the HCG won't work for them and they feel that they are just starving, because they are.  Then there are those who want to lose weight, but aren't mentally prepared for what the diet entails, and cheat and cry about their weight loss being so slow.  Then, there are those, like me, who put in the work.  Who have the right mindset.  Who want all they can get from HCG.  It's not easy.  The food gets boring.  Society shoves "forbidden fruit" in your face all the time.  Family/friends don't understand.  HCG gets bad press, usually from those who haven't done it, or those who have, but it didn't work (or they cheated all the way thru).  Not everything works for everyone.  Some people are just better at metabolizing what they eat.  Other (like me) cannot live to eat, drink and be merry.  I can be merry, but my joy can't be all about food.  Having that understanding is a huge portion of my battle against the bulge.  As I have said before grains, starches, sugars, all poison to me.  But, what happens when I go out with the family?  I have to be one of those super picky people.  I can't have the pastries.  I can't have one or two french fries.  I can't have a piece of cake to join in on the celebration. 

We were enjoying the Strawberry Cucumber Salad, and I realized that a) totally protocol and b) this is something that can be shared amongst the masses, and they wouldn't know the difference between this salad and any other.  What's the difference?  Made to protocol, it has virtually no calories!  Which means that you could eat TONS and not gain.  I am very excited, because this is something that I can serve at our 4th of July blowout!  Since grilled meat is totally Paleo, and this salad is too!  I am going to start planning out the menu, basing everything I serve on the Paleo diet, and see if anyone notices.  There will be some things not Paleo, chips, soda, etc., but everything else will be Paleo!  Totally awesome!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

From a posting I made at the HCG Forum

I am in my 2nd stall day.  After a huge 22.4 pound drop in 12 days, I am not going to worry much (at least, not right now!), this is a natural time for my body to recoup and re-shape.
So many good things are coming out of this diet.  From not having the steering wheel rubbing on my belly, to my robe doubling over me, to just feeling better about myself.  The best things I am getting though, is understanding.  The understand that my life is not just about food.  That, even though society says to eat and eat, I can be apart from the crowd and say no. 
It's not will power, if I had had any will power, I would have never been fat in the first place.  No, it's something more.  It's like being able to see for the first time.  I have been learning about new ways to live, and new ways to eat.  I cannot have grains, refined sugars, processed foods.  These things are poison to me. 
Last night, my wonderful husband took me out to the movies.  Walking in with that smell of buttery goodness, pictures of cheesy nachos, that smell of buttery goodness, all the pretty candies, that smell of buttery goodness...  OK, you get the picture (and have been in a movie theater), instead of bemoaning my loss of popcorn (it's a grain, you know, and not on protocol) I enjoyed my husband, we got there early, and played a zombie killing video game.  We got our 3-D glasses, headed into the theater (we saw Ghost Rider 2), sat, and while my wonderful hubby ate a popcorn (at my insistence), I drank my iced tea, and drank in the sights and sounds of the room around me.  Did I want those lovely treats?  Absolutely.  I even felt the urge to reach over and pluck a popcorn kernel off my hubby's shirt and eat it.  I didn't. 
Walking out, there was a new spring in my step.  A feeling of contentment, something like a job well done, but more.
Each day is going to bring challenges.  There will be days that I mourn that I am "not like everyone else", because I can't eat certain things.  But, truly, if the only thing that life had to offer was food, then why lose weight?  No, there is more, so much more to life and living.  I want every precious moment!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Settling in and marching forward

Today I scored a goose egg in weight loss.  Zero, in this case is good.  Better to hold than to gain.  Yesterday, I was down another 1.2 lbs. 
There are going to be days like these.  After more than 22 lbs lost, I can't really complain.  I am hoping to get below 300  by tomorrow, and it can happen (calling the Whoosh Fairy!), but if it doesn't, it doesn't.  That will be the end of this part, and I will move on to my next 10 days.  So, I am 11 days down (counting load days) and have 79 days to go.  I will keep on while I can.  By the second week in May, I will go into phase 3/phase 4.  I am hoping to be down 100 lbs (or better).  Then I will figure if I will do a round 2. 
My worry is my own body chemistry.  I have a tendency to become tolerant to anything I take.  Once I take something for any period of time then stop, I don't respond to it anymore (like ibuprofen).  That's why I am going the long route, and hopefully, lose a large amount of weight in the NOW, as opposed to a pound here and a pound there, never achieving any goals.

As the countdown continues, I am hopeful for the best of what I can do, and what HCG has to offer.  I just can't be fat anymore.

A test of my resolve will come up tonight when we go to the movies.  I will take an apple with me, for just in case, but to be surrounded by popcorn munching, the intoxicating butter smells, and the nachos, red vines, M & M's, and pretzels with cheese, just makes me remember that I can't have these things.  They are poison to me!  And I am going to treat them and think of them as such. 
Poison.  Grains.  Sugars. Starches.  All are a fat death to me.  It's a real shame that the USDA/FDA go on and on about grains being the end all be all of being healthy, but of course, they are not.  How is it that the Infamous They can perpetuate such lies?  When America is getting fatter and fatter, sicker and sicker, spending more and more on medical care that they wouldn't need if the Diet Dictocrats (Thanks to Sally Fallon for that) would actually be truthful. 
In another month or so, I am going to the "Doctors", and I will ask for a blood test to test everything.  I am very interested in seeing that my cholesterol is down, my blood pressure is down, and my numbers are so much better across the board.
I will bring my HCG journal in with me, just to prove that, as usual, the medical profession doesn't have a frickin' clue about what they are talking about.  Maybe, if Doctors would worry less about funding and a big ole paycheck, and more about people's health and well being, the lies and falsehoods would stop.  Doctors would actually take time to learn from nutrition up!

Even though I didn't lose any weight today, I can wrap my robe around myself, where the side pockets overlap in the front.  HA.  Yea for me!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

It's the Little Things

Today I woke to a 2 lb loss.  I would love to see 5 lbs gone every day, who wouldn't?!  There are other things to consider.  Changing thinking about food, but that's a big thing.  So it's one step at a time. 

My little thing story happened yesterday, when I got into the car, pulled out of the driveway, and realized that the steering wheel isn't rubbing my belly.  For the first time, I could turn without the drag, it was like getting super power steering!

Little steps here, the little things there.  That's what conquers the big problems.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Too Good...

Yep, today was a zero.  No loss, but no gain either.  I'll take it.  Yesterday was a "skip day" for me, so I kinda expected something.  My something was nothing.  But that's a little bit of alright, because I am starting to feel bone.  Who knew that I had hips or ribs? 
We had a lovely Valentine's Day.  The Colonel had to work late, but came home to steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, and broccoli.  The highlight (for the kids) was a chocolate heart cake I picked up at FoodMaxx. 
I got to enjoy a big plate of lettuce and some ground beef with salsa.  Yummy.  I really only missed the broccoli dipped in mayo.  The steaks  looked and smelled real good, but my heart is just not in eating.  I am going to run the course.  What is the phrase?  A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips...
My new life doesn't included being so fat.  Actually, I can live with "fat", but no obese.  Obese has got to go.  I have about 16 more BMI points to go before I am just "overweight".  That is something to look forward to!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Happy Joy Joy Skipping

The "Happy Happy Joy Joy" is in regards to waking up to a 2.6lb lost!  Skipping is in reference to this being my "skip" day, where I don't take hcg, to avoid becoming tolerant to it.
Pretty soon, folks are going to accuse me of being a man.  Actually, gender has only a bit in this, the reason I am losing so quickly is because I am so heavy.  I was also very careful about my loading days, opting for lots of fatty foods rather than bready stuff.
This really proves my point that I have no business eating grain based/starchy foods.  My body is too sensitive to the effects.  I order some cookbooks from Amazon, Paleo and a couple of gluten free (coconut flour) books.  I have done very well with having no carbs.  So far, since there is a good payoff (weight loss) my attitude has been very positive.  But, just to be fair (LIFE"S NOT FAIR), I haven't had a huge drama in my life either.  So nothing has happened that would make me want to chuck it all and raid a McDonald's. 

It takes 30 days to break a habit, and put a new habit in it's place.  I have 90 days, three times as much time as is needed.  And during that time, I am going to learn all about Paleo, all about gluten-free, all about what to avoid and why I am avoiding it.  The toughest sell is going to be my beloved Colonel.  He finds all this diet stuff to be hokey.  When I said that I couldn't eat carbs anymore, he became skeptical, immediately.  But, he can't argue with the facts.  No carbs and I have lost 19.2 lbs.  Yes, hcg helped direct my abnormal fat cells to release the fat, but it's the diet that is spurring this all on.  I don't eat the carbs I am offered (Melba toast or a Grissini breadstick).  I don't want them, and I don't NEED them, at all!
So, I am going to research going grain free, and find alternatives (coconut flour, almond flour) to make the goodies that the Colonel won't live without.  The kids will switch and not think a thing of it, which will serve them in the future.  I am not going to demonize sugar, bread, and such, but instead direct the family to learning that these things aren't necessary or even vital to live.  Things that will stay, butter, cheese, and even bacon (as more of a "treat" rather than a staple).  The financial investment is going to be high.  I want to find cage free, non vegan, blah blah blah, eggs (high in omega 3's), the non grain flour, and grass fed beef, free range pork, and free range chickens.  Fish will be added too, but finding fish from a decent fish monger here in Northern California will be quite a trick!  Maybe a trip or two to San Fran will be in order to get the fresh fish, put it on ice and bring it home to freeze.  I have to practice how to skin and fillet a fish, since I am new to the whole seafood thing.
Hopefully, I will remain focused today, without the assistance of hcg.  I will take some B-12 around noonish (after lunch).
OH, and maybe my steamer will come in and I can have lobster or shrimp today!  Yummy!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Still moving forward...

...but at a slower pace.  Today I was down 1.8 lbs, still awesome and fantastic!  I knew this time was coming.  The average for women to lose is .5 to .75 lbs a day.  In a week, at .5 is equal to 3.5 lbs.  Extrordinary!!!  The "professionals" say 1 to 2 lbs is "healthy".  I say "pfffttt..." to them.  I have lost a total of 16.6 lbs so far, and that's in 5 days!
In 7 days, I will be taking a new picture, and taking measurements, and average out my weight loss, and I think everyone will be pleasantly surprized.
The best part, is learning more about what I put into my body.  What has been making me fat.  What my attitude is about being fat.  And, changing my thinking about food.
I wish it was as easy as the snobby skinny people say, but it's not.  It's real easy to be on a high horse when you can scarf all you want and not gain.  Now, I am learning to find celebrations in nonfood ways.  I will be working hard on the up coming holiday menus.  We have birthdays coming up.  Luckily for me, although I love cake, I can't stand frosting anymore. And instead of always serving pizza, I will come up with some great salads (fruit and lettuce) and we can make burgers.  I need to invest in one of those "gluten free" cookbooks.  In fact, the further I can get me and my family from grains, the better.  Which means no corn, either.  You know when you go # 2 and the corn kernels are just sitting there?  Guess what?  Your body has been doing everything it could to break down the corn, which is irritating the lining of your stomach and intestines, and not breaking down!
Anyway, I am hoping, at the end of the "deca week" I will have made it into the 200's (or at least darn close), and will have some of the ever popular (but always TMI) Tales from the Shower!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Still losing at a great pace.

I didn't get much sleep, and was afraid that it would effect my losses, but this morning I was down another 5 lbs!  That makes 14.8 lbs in 4 days (including loading days!).  Now for the caveat;  these losses will slow down.  This is like a jump start.  Within a few days my losses will slow, while my body catches up.  While the losses are slowing, my fat cells which are filling up with water, will be releasing the water and shifting around, reducing my size.
My hope is that I make it into the low, single digit 300's or even manage to get into the 200's (299 is a lot, but better than 325!).  I am really looking forward to losing inches too!  My plan is to do some closet shopping.  Right now I am wearing a 28 (52), I have some pants in a 26 (48), and some pants as low as a 40.  At the end of all this, I am thinking that anything below a 36 would be heavenly!  I can't even tell you what the "junior" size is.  Maybe a 12 or a 14?  These numbers really don't have any meaning for me, because the smallest I remember being was 36, and that was when I was about 14 yo. 
I was just getting ready to write about how lucky I was 'cause I am tall and carry my weight well, poppycock!  I have always been fat.  A fat teen who became a fat adult, and it was only down hill from there!
What is interesting is that everything I have learned, and am learning is culminating into my new life plan.  With the hcg, I can actually feel when I am really hungry, not just filling a hole.  It's kinda like an alcoholics "moment of clarity".  I am sure that  is far too dramatic, but I have a disease.  You don't get obese because of being lazy.  You don't get obese because you eat.  You get obese because of WHY you eat.  Most people, fat and thin, will agree that doughnuts taste good.  Even vegans will admit that bacon tastes good. 
Everyone gets hungry.  Some overweight people will starve themselves to lose a pound or two, what do they get?  Someone sees them eating a salad, and makes a comment that they would lose weight if they would only put down the fork.  Nice.  Well, OK, so that person just might put down the fork, and pick up a spoon and start shovelling in a quart of ice cream.  Happy now?
People will fall over themselves to congratulate someones sobriety.  Knowing that if the sober person has one drink, they could die.  People will congratulate someone for losing weight, too.  Then offer a Starbucks coffee with all the fixin's (at 500 cal per cup), and a lovely muffin (800 cal), and an offer of a celebration lunch (1200-1500).  All bad fats, all carbs, no food value, while the whole time the offerer and the offeree are both in a fog of "congratulations".
It's not fair.  Of course, this is lesson number 1 about life.  It's not fair.  It's not fair that I can't eat bready stuff.  It's not fair that my Mexican food days are over.  It's not fair that I will turn to the refrigerator for comfort and support.  Well boo hoo.  You know what I can do?  I can walk.  Which isn't fair to someone in a wheelchair.  I can hear.  Which is not fair to the deaf.  I can see.  Which is not fair to the blind.  My children are growing up in the best country in the world, they will never know hunger, cold, or hopelessness, which is not fair to children in Third World countries.  So, you see, life is not fair.  The bottom line.  If you know that life isn't fair, don't whine about your lot in life.  Instead, look to all that you have, all you can do, all that you can be.  If the worst of your life is to having avoid bread and ice cream, then count all the blessing you do have in your life!
Sermon over, go in peace!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

It's Awesome!

You just gotta love the whole hcg diet thing!  Since I started 3 DAYS AGO, I have lost 9.8 pounds, any side effects?  Just waking up with a dull headache both days. 
My legal council (the Voices inside my head) are reminding me that this is a temporary "whoosh", and won't keep up at this pace (bummer).  But even a .5 or 1 lb loss would be most welcome. 
During week 1, the losses are pretty big pound wise, during week 2 is when all this fat is going to start shifting around, and I will start seeing inches disappear.  Week 3 is a mixture of both pounds and inches (hence the name of Dr. Simeons' research).
I am not sure about how long I will be doing hcg for the first round.  Part of me wants to go a full 90 days, but my head is telling me to get off 50 lbs, go P3 for 3 weeks, and dive back in (maybe with 3 weeks of P4). 
Here's what I want:  I want to be healthy.  I don't want to be morbidly obese anymore.  I have 2 small children to raise.  I have a wonderful husband that I want to grow old with.  I want to do all the wonderful things that life has to offer.
I have to look at my fat as a cancer.  If I had cancer, I would do anything and everything to fight it, right?  Food is my cancer.  The problem is that you can cut out cancer, you can't cut out food.  A huge portion of using the hcg is not just to lose weight (bonus), but to change my relationship with food.   Food is NOT my friend.  Food is my enemy.  I can no longer live to eat, but must instead eat only to live. 
As I remain on the VLCD, my body is learning to get energy from fats, and not store away abnormally, but to use the excess for energy.  Once I have exhausted the abnormal fat, then my body will continue to use what I eat to be used for energy, as long as I stay away from the excesses.  Carbohydrates in grain/pseudo grain form just stores away in my already stretched abnormal fat cells, so grain/pseudo grain carbs are a thing of the past.  Along with refined sugars, which have no food value of any sort.  Even the energy that sugar supplies is short and too much of a spike, and totally not worth it.  There are plenty of ways to get an energy boost.  Fruit, nuts (not legumes), veggies and proteins. 
I have been really lucky, since I had cut out soda years ago, so that's a monkey that I don't carry.  Prior to starting hcg, I cut down/out most carbs in my diet.  In fact, the Colonel was shocked when we went to a restaurant and I ordered steak with a side of ribs, and had a double portion of veggies instead of a starch, and passed on the bread/croutons. 
My last loading meal was at Hometown Buffet, and I had a huge salad with tons of dressing, beets, eggs, bacon, and for my crunch I added sunflower seeds, no croutons.  Then I went to the main courses and had a plateful of really fatty pork ribs and one, count it, one roll, which I savored and said my goodbyes to.
Breads/sugars are just nails in my coffin.  Mortality is very real to me.  I have clogged arteries and hypertension.  Why?  Because I have been killing myself with a fork, a slow and steady suicide.  I will be 45 in 3 months, and I want to be out of the 300's and into the solid 200's (below 250 would be most excellent).  Before the year is out, I will be in the 100's.  150 is supposed to be "ideal" but I will take 175 with relish and hold it there. 
It's a whole life change.  All my heart and soul are in this.  I need this.  I don't want to have a heart attack.  I don't want to have a stroke.  I don't want to be fat.  This goes against everything I have ever done in my whole life.  A complete 180 degree turn about.  I must become a whole different person.  One who thinks differently, one who acts differently, one who reacts differently.  A total transformation.

Friday, February 10, 2012

So It Begins

I received my hcg drops from Body Shaper on the 7th, and started "loading" on the 8th and 9th.  Loading is when you eat and eat (going for high fat content), then, when you think you couldn't eat another bite, you eat some more. 
There is a weird psychological thing going on, 'cause when you have Carte Blanc to scarf like a pig, you suddenly find that you aren't hungry.  It's not only weird, but stupid too!
I said my goodbyes to many favorites.  Not just for the duration of my diet, but also for life.  I will be using this time to learn about Paleo eating (Caveman diet).  Lots of fruits and veggies, lots of meat, no grains, little or no dairy.  Cheese will probably stay in our diet, along with butter.  Milk is really neither here or there with us.  We can switch to coconut milk, and the kids will be just as happy.  Except for those horrid flavor straws, the kids don't drink milk anyway.
So today beings my hcg VLCD (very low calorie diet) which should max out at about 500 cals.  It's going to be hard, but looking at the big picture, I can't stay fat.  I have put alot into this.  $325 alone in hcg.  Then extras (new scale, digital food scale, $300 in meat/veggies), then there is the mental preparation.  I have lived for this time. 
Is there a pay off?  Sure, this morning, after eating and eating, I woke up to a 4 pound weight loss.  Yes, four pounds.  After eating everything that wasn't nailed down.  In 2 days, I lost 4 pounds.  The Medical community says a pound a week is "healthy".  No, a pound a week is slow.  A pound of weight loss from the Medical community is a pound of necessary fat, not abnormal fat.  My 4 pound loss is abnormal fat.  That's what hcg does, it attacks abnormal fat.  We need the fat in our bodies.  Fat protects our internal organs.  There is a fat patch under your heels, otherwise, you would be walking on a bone (ouch!).  Structural fat.  Then there is your storage fat, that with people like me, can't be released with regular dieting.  Wait, it can be released, but only after you have gotten rid of your structural fat, and started breaking down muscles.  Because the storage fat is for the lean famine times (of which most of us in the US will never see), the human body will do everything it can to hang on to it, including eating it's own muscles to keep that storage fat as full as possible. 
Because we (as a society) consume extraordinary amounts of grain based carbohydrates and refined sugars, the body cannot use the excess, and stores it away.  When was the last time you couldn't go to the grocery and "hunt" down a wild loaf of bread? 
After the flood, other than what was stored on the ark, there were no grains to be had.  This was when man had to start eating animals (even possibly before that, Adam may have hunted, but this is for the Creationists to argue over).  Other than being on the Ark, the animals were afraid of man.  They weren't going to stand still.  The hunt was on.
Anyway, long story short (too late), while I am learning to eat better, I will simultaneously start teaching the family to start eating better too.
So, here's what hcg is going to do for me.  HCG is going to help me release the abnormal fat stored in my fat cells (we are born with X number of fat cells, and they fill up with stored fat), the hcg encourages the body to use this stored up fat for energy, rather than relying on carbohydrates to provide energy by eating.  The fat cells will release the fat, and be replaced (in the beginning) with water, then the water will be released.  I only have a rudimentary understanding on how the process works.  But, it does work. 
For those who think they should lose 5 or 10 lbs, it may not work.  Just because you have a poochy tummy, doesn't mean you are storing extra (abnormal) fat.  Fat storage is normal.  Being obese, is NOT NORMAL.  So, for those who are seeking that Kate Moss waif look, you must look elsewhere (try anorexia, or some sort of concentration camp).  I would hope that most adults would realize that being supermodel, stick figure thin, is unhealthy, and not sexy.  Any man who would want a woman like that is sick in the head.  Any woman who would do that to herself to get a man, is suicidal.
I am lucky, my Colonel is a "chubby chaser", that's how I landed him.  But, truthfully, he understands that all this extra weight is putting a strain on me.  I have been diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure), and although it's not being treated with medicine, my arteries are starting to clog with high cholesterol.  Too thin or too fat, both are suicide by fork (not enough fork, or too much fork).  Both are also very slow and painful.  Painful to live, and painful to watch.
Oh, in case you didn't know, the reason those "super models" are so thin, is because they are living human wire hangers, to show how the clothes drape.  It is also the reason they have such a sour look on their faces (that mean look), so you won't look at their face, but at the clothes instead.  Is this really something to strive for?  Seriously, a human, sour faced hanger?
So, as the blog title says, this is the beginning.  My diet day will look like this:
Wake up, pee, weigh.
Take hcg, holding for 5 mins under my tongue.
30 minutes after that, drink coffee, tea, and the ever present water.
Have lunch (100 g fish, chicken, lean beef and veggies, radishes, lettuce, Swiss chard, beet greens, tomato, onion, cucumber, asparagus.  Maybe one piece of fruit, strawberries, handful, 1/2 grapefruit, apple or orange.  One piece of Melba toast or grissini bread stick is also allowed, but I don't really want the carbs).
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, continue with water (at least 2 litres a day), coffee, tea.
Dinner, repeat lunch with different meat and veg.
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, drink more water.

Not exciting by any means, except when I wake up in the morning and found that I have lost another 1/2 a pound to a pound. 
The first week is usually big losses (I lost 4 pounds in 2 day, AWESOME).  The second week the body is recouping, so although weight loss slows down (and sometimes stalls), inches will start coming off.  The third week everything evens out, for the most part, (mostly....). 
There will be big loss days, small loss days, and no loss days.  A huge part of losing weight is your mindset.  I know that I am my worst enemy.  I will beat myself up with food.  Bad day, eat.  Started having a good day, then the kids made me mad, eat.  Someone looks at me wrong, eat.  The sun came up, eat.  Do you see the pattern?  Yeah, me too.  Except, because I am, in essence, trying to kill myself, I didn't care.  My pal food will make me feel better, right?  Here's the vicious cycle.  Food seems to make me feel better, then I feel worse about all the eating, so I eat more to feel better.  This isn't just me.  This is all the fat (obese) people.  We all have different reasons for turning to food in the first place, but the cycle is the same for all of us. 
Remember all this, because Rusty is good, Rusty is wise.  And getting thinner everyday!