Saturday, July 21, 2012

Sore Boobs, Carb Crunchers, and Another Deca-Week Has Ended

Lots going on!  OK, not really, my life is pretty mundane!

Sore boobs.  Oh man, it's like all the skin and muscles are ripping down the sides of both my breasts, problem?  Ill-fitting bras.  The girls are-a-shrinking, along with the rest of me.  Because I was trying to tough it out until I get closer to goal, I haven't gotten any new underwear or bras.  That changed, I bought some no name brand sports bras to sleep in, and a new bra to wear during the day.  Last night I got some good sleep because there was no pain anytime I turned over!

I have renamed the adults in my household "carb crunchers".  These people eat all day long!  Except for my MIL, they will hardly touch dinner, then dive into chips, ice cream, cookies, candy, 20 minutes after dinner!  Mind you, they have the smallest portions of meat and veggies, then claim "I am stuffed", then start walking around the house with a bag of BBQ chips!  I have tried to explain to The Colonel that I think that he and my FIL have a Leptin problem, but neither will look up the info, since they aren't "fat" per se, they don't think that they have a problem.  I might have a problem, 'cause I am fat, but not them.

So, another 10 days down and plenty to show for it.  It has been a struggle, not anything that I can't stand against, because the pay offs are extraordinary!

Total, I've lost 8.2 lbs, but during that 10 days I had one bad day where I gained 3.4, so my losses got reduced to just under 5 lbs.  But that is still a half pound a day.  5lbs a "week" is pretty awesome.  The "powers that be" claim a pound a week is "safe".

There are products that advertise that in a year you could lose a whole 20 lbs.  20 lbs?  Are you kidding me? 

I understand where they are coming from.  Lose weight slowly.  Learn new eating habits.  For the obese, give your skin time to retract.  But when you are staring down your own grave, 20 lbs a year doesn't cut it.  I would have taken me 7 years to lose that 140 lbs that I am shooting for.  Instead, I have already learned a new way of eating.  I now know that I cannot live to eat.  I have found my triggers that cause emotional eating binges.  I also had that "moment of clarity" that many addicts have before they stop taking drugs/alcohol.  The difference is that you can go your whole life without taking drugs or drinking alcohol, I, on the other hand, cannot live out the rest of my life without eating.

Maybe it's time for obesity to be put higher on the list of addictions.  Fat or skinny, you will find people who are "addicted" to something food related.  Instead of pointing a finger at the overweight/obese person and judging them "weak", take a look in the mirror.  Some folks can eat what they want (healthy or not) when they want, and don't gain weight.  If you are thin (then I am wondering why you are reading my blog), and have friends or loved ones who are over weight, figure out how many times you are judgemental when they eat something that they "shouldn't" have, then figure out how many times you offer something they "shouldn't" have, because it's a "special occasion".  How many times have you said, "oh, you shouldn't be on that diet" "you need to lose weight in a healthy way" "it's calories in/calories out, you just need to reduce your calories and workout more" "here, have a piece of little Johnny's birthday cake, you lost 10 lbs, it won't hurt you."

As someone who has been fat my whole life, some of the worst examples of "health" are the thin/skinny people.  Those who will look down their nose at you because you're fat, but be the first ones to shove it into your face that they can eat whatever they want.

Through HCG, I have learned that I am in charge of me.  Anyone who would try to talk me out of HCG, or talk me into bread, will be the first ones I just might punch in the face (I would politely decline first, but if it was pushed...).  I see The Colonel trying to do that every now and again.  Offering me things he knows that I don't eat.  Why?  Because I am his partner in crime.  He knows that if I am having a bad day, I would turn to food for comfort.  He truly believes that he is offering me something that would make me "feel" better.  But, 2 minutes of eating a foot long Subway sandwich, is not going to make my day better, in fact in the long run, I will feel worse.  But, it isn't up to other people to take away my pain.  It's up to me to deal with my pain (or anger, or frustration, or being sad) without eating.

I will stand by my knowledge that I am only one slice of bread from 325 lbs.  Why?  Because:  My name is Rusty, and I am a food addict. 

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