Thursday, October 4, 2012

It's Working (tentively)

Down another 1.6 lbs this morning, which puts me at 1.8 lbs below LDW. 

I feel much better now.  I am still hoping to see 199, although right now my goal isn't to be dropping weight, but instead to stabilize. 

I am going to have to change up my diet, but not until next week, and once I stabilize (which I will soon, hopefully).

Everyone in the house is making me crazy!  The Peanut has a sore throat, and is acting like it's the end of world.  The old people are "needing" to go to the Dr.'s (I ran out my pills 3 weeks ago and I must have them NOW).  The Colonel hurt his back (which always sucks) and he is at the "I hate my job" phase. 

I really wanted to quit smoking, but my waking stress is incredibly high.  I just won't stop now.  I say "won't" because I am not really even trying.

Ah, but this too shall pass.  I will drag everyone around to where they need to go.  Take the old people to their Dr.'s, take the Peanut to his Dr., and get thru this with out killing anyone or breaking anything. 

The Colonel asked about Thanksgiving, saying "I guess we are having a Paleo Thanksgiving", to which I replied, "Thanksgiving is pretty Paleo anyway, minus stuffing, rolls and mashed potatoes".  After thinking about it for a minute, he realized that I was right.  Most "holiday" food is fairly Paleo, and with some adjustments, I can Paleo-ize most of the non Paleo fare.

It's amazing how fast this year is going by!  122 lbs ago it was February!  I have much more hope for 2013 being my year of getting strong!  For years I would fool myself into thinking that this year or that year I would lose the weight and get to do more things, only to find that the year would be half over and I would still be super fat.  Then I would apply myself for about 2 weeks, see minimal progress, and fall back into the fat oblivion.

Now it's different.  Now I am at a place where I can launch myself into new experiences.  I still see a fat woman, and of course I am still fat, but losing 100 + lbs certainly makes things easier.  Now I don't sweat the 20 ish pounds that I still want to go.  Now, I know that if I keep my diet reasonable, don't engage in any eating that is counter productive, I will succeed in reaching my goal.  Real food, whole food, looking at labels (which most fat people do anyway), and keeping a running tally in my head of acceptable/not acceptable ingredients, is a way of life for me.  Unfortunately, it is still a "food obsession", but I have to eat. 

It is impossible to even imagine life that's not based around food.  I have a friend (a skinny friend) that will forget to eat.  How can anyone forget?  I don't mean once in a great while, but on a daily basis.  Too weird!

I have to work for that.  I don't forget, I will choose.  Right now, I choose to not eat dinner, mainly because I am not hungry, but, let me tell you, I could eat.  There isn't a time that I can't not eat.  Knowing that, and understanding that, helps keep me in line.  I am hoping that someday I will just know when to and when not to eat, but I believe this will be my life long struggle.  I am an addict.  I am addicted to food.  I am addicted to eating.  I am a carbohydrate junkie.  But, just because I "want" it, doesn't mean I should have it. 

So far, I am winning, I can never let food have the upper hand.  It's a chore, but the end is worth the work.

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