I am big on writing. I keep a couple of blogs, I post on a couple of website forums, and I keep a daily personal journal. With so many changes in my life, I like to keep track of the past, especially this year. I thought I would share today's journal entry:
August 15th, 2012 Day 65
217.6 -.6 -42.6 -107.6
A loss- I'll take it. Not much, but I was naughty yesterday. I nibbled on some pork and sausage. I wish I had a better excuse, but I wanted them, and ate them. At one point I shoved pork pieces and sausage pieces into my mouth-chewed and spit them out into the trash. Either way-it showed me that I have to keep a tight rein on myself.
Even if I am not a clinical "binge" eater, I am an impulsive one. Why does it seem like such a good idea- OK maybe "good idea" isn't the right phrase.
It's like- "I want it. I want it NOW!" Suddenly, you're grabbing and starting to stuff your face-and your brain (the higher functions) aren't kicking in with reasoning.
It's foolish to give in to the impulse. This something all people have. Skinny or fat, we will impulsively do something stupid-food, sex, alcohol, drugs, whatever. It's like we have an underlying death wish or something.
Is there a way to overcome it? Sometimes instinct is instinct. God gave us a "intuition" - to sense danger, the fight or flight instinct. The grab and gobble is a perversion of that. If you were starving, it would be one thing, but then you wouldn't be so picky. Seriously, I had broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots out too, but didn't grab them!
So what is the answer? Don't beat yourself up. Perfection in a human being is way overrated. We will make mistakes. We will give in to temptations. Many, maybe most times, we will not make mistakes, and not give into temptation.
So I scarfed on some meat, big deal. Here's what I didn't do- I didn't eat the chocolate chips, I didn't eat the ice cream in the fridge, I didn't quit, I didn't call myself names, I didn't have a breakdown, I didn't take it out on the kids.
I may have munched off protocol, but I didn't fail.
We live in such a horrid society. A society that will quit at the slightest set back. A society that tells us we must be "XYZ". A society that is so caught up in "equality" that it won't let someone be an individual. A society that want to place blame everywhere and on everyone.
I am taking a stand. I ate the meat. I will pay the price. I will be responsible for myself.
How about you?