Christmas, but the cookies look so good....

Yes, Christmas time is here again. Time for family, friends, maxing out the credit card, and a huge amount of goodies just begging to be eaten. How do you get through without having to moving up one wardrobe size? Since hCG and subsequently going Paleo, I tend to lose on those holiday feast days. Thanksgiving gave me a 2 lb. loss. How? Easy, I don't partake in anything that has grain. Yes, that means I miss out on the Stove Top stuffing, biscuits, the pie, the cookies, and the like. It doesn't mean that I don't get to eat, enjoy my family, or have a treat. It means that I do my best to choose wisely. My Thanksgiving plate had turkey, mashed red potatoes, honey glazed sweet potatoes, and southern style green beans (green beans, bacon, onions, and lots of butter). I even had some cranberry sauce (which did have HFCS, yecch). Our Christmas dinner this year will be Tri-tip, baked red potatoes, steamed broccoli, salad, and for the family, gravy, rolls and apple pie. Does this sound like I am denying anyone a grand Christmas feast? No, of course not. Am I anywhere near depriving myself? No, not even close. For me, Christmas is family coming together to celebrate the birth of the Christ. It's about loving and giving. It's not about cookies, cakes, or any other food, healthy or otherwise. I hope everyone has a happy Christmas. May God bless you all so that the best of your past will be the worst of your future.

Back to the Drawing Board

Hello all! I have been lax on my postings, mainly because I am being lazy and flighty. I did not manage to come through the Thanksgiving season unscathed. In fact, I find myself 30 lbs. over my best weight of 191. I am still down 100 lbs., and have no desire to gain and lose THOSE pounds again. My biggest problem is not sticking to a stricter Paleo eating plan. I have been far cozy with sugary stuff. Mainly dark chocolate. I am still very careful that it contains no soy or dairy, but candy is candy. I have been researching Paleo meals that I will be terrorizing the whole family with. Everyone has been eating bread, pasta, cakes, cookies (not me...but I am letting the Littles and not being a good Mommy). Not to mention all the processed meat products. So, starting Jan. 1 we will be having wonderful Paleo stuff, with some minor addendums (my hubby has to eat on the road, so lettuce wrapped sandwiches are a no-go). I will be focusing on homemade meals, prepping and freezing, and the odd Paleo snacky. My poor children will be stuck eating healthy meals and snacks (awwww poor babies...). I just whipped up a batch of Paleo mayo which came out well with an immersion blender, my preferred way of making mayo without using the "slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, add the oil, drop by drop, slowly, slowly" method, which is time consuming and well, frankly, sucks. Take your favorite mayo recipe, put it all the ingredients into your jar of choice (I use 1 quart mason-type jars, my stick blender barely fits in it...), then put in your immersion blender, set it on the bottom of the container and let it whirl until the emulsification process starts (you will see the eggs and oil start looking solid, like mayo), then you can start the up and down movements to blend in the rest of the oil. Here's a tip to make sure you get good mayo, all the ingredients should be a room temperature. Once you put all the ingredients into the container, let them sit together for a few minutes so that everything is at the same temp. I am not promising perfect mayo every time, but definitely most of the time (sometimes you just get oily scrambled eggs, yecch...). I am starting my strict Paleo plan now, and will keep everyone posted on how things are going. If sticking Paleo shows me some good results, then I may just strict Paleo my way back down, if not, I am contemplating doing hCG again in February. Well, I am off to start some meatloaf (an old family recipe that improved by being converted to Paleo!).

Naughty, naughty me

I would love to post about being in One-derland, or being a comfortable size 14, but, alas, this is not the case. My naughtiness took the form of black forest bacon (which has plenty of sugar and corn), sausage links, and far too many sunflower seeds. Did I happen to mention chocolate? Yep, my (and many others down fall) sweet tooth was going for broke. I have been indulging in Theo's dark chocolate (almond and sea salt), and Heavenly Organics mint patties. I really tried to stretch them out, but still ended up scarfing up way too much junk. I made the choice, and I paid the price. Right now, I am making plans to be prepped for a zombie invasion paleo style. I will be storing some grains (rice) and some legumes (beans, usually pinto), but I am also planning on canning some meat (when I find good deals, I stock up), making some jerky, and getting the veggie garden going in the spring. Being prepared for whatever the future holds is important, especially since I have kids, a husband, and an elderly FIL to care for. Just because it's the end of the world as we know it (TEOTWAWKI) doesn't mean that we still can't eat healthy. You will hear about having to have tons of carbs (in the form of grains) to maintain your physical activities. This is not true. Looking back through time, Noah didn't step off the Ark and have pasta. He had to start his garden, not only for himself, but for 7 other people. But, Noah and his family did have to continue to eat what they had left in the stores of the Ark, and I bet you that Noah's sons went hunting (God made the animals afraid of people once they landed), for some fresh MEAT. The only thing that holds us back from being able to live off the land is knowledge. NEWS ALERT: Information is available at your local library, and it's FREE!!!! Everyone can have a garden of one sort or another, some will be HUGE, others as small as their balcony. If you don't have a garden, start one, if you don't know how, learn. Can you hunt? Learn. Skin an animal, learn. Just remember, when it comes to hunting, use the animal nose to tail. So, along with my health, these thoughts are consuming me. I don't want to rely on bread, crackers, and pasta to keep going, even in the event of a disaster. Prepping also includes getting more physically fit. I can hold my own body weight for a few seconds (about 20) while hanging from a bar, but still can't pull my body up. My upper body strength is pathetic. I can do 15 push ups (real ones, not girly ones), and hold a plank for a minute (with enough arm shaking to start an earthquake). I really need to practice running sprints. My leg strength is pretty good, I can lunge and deep knee bend with the best (of course, having legs used to holding up 300 + pounds, then losing 100 of those makes it a bit easier), but although I can run, I can't go too long (still too much jiggles on me), and in an emergency, I need to be able to haul ass possibly carrying two 40 lbs. kids. On the horizon, we have a Disney trip planned in February, and Disneyland is very similar to a Zombie invasion, and the same amount of strength and determination to survive will be needed. Do you find yourself wondering about this kind of stuff? Steps must be taken, and there is no time like the present. Whether you are planning for the Apocalypse or a family vacation, health and strength are vital!

Making a plan

Over this past month, I have been being my old self (and not the good one) again. Still Paleo of course, but also just hanging around on the fringes. Over the past 5 days, I have adjusted my diet, eating mainly Pounds and Inches approved foods, but definitely more than 500 calories per day. I stick to the same eating program with meals at lunchtime (usually around 11 ish) and having dinner in and around 5 pm. I mainly eat separate from the family. I have been having either strawberries, oranges or apple twice during the day. Today I have been feeling a bit weak, so I had an orange about 2 hours before lunch, and an apple 2 hours after lunch, and I will make my dinner when I start feeling hungry. I think I have been indulging in too much coffee and not enough water. So far, I have been losing well, starting at 215 5 days ago, and standing at 206 today. My scale is showing me that my fat percentage is going down. Yes, that's 9 pounds, which can be argued as water loss, except for my scale again, which shows my water percentage going up. If my losses maintain, I will be in One-derland again by next week, which is also my 10th wedding anniversary. Last night my hubby and I went shoe shopping for some heels for me. I tried those popular platform heels, which, much to the relief of everyone at the store, didn't make me fall over. They were cute, they put me well over 6' tall (my hubby is 5'4"), but they weren't comfortable to wear for any length of time. Heeled, girly shoes were never anything I ever thought about getting, mainly because at 300 + lbs, I was afraid of snapping a heel and falling. Not to mention, putting that much weight on to my toes, just wasn't happening. Now, with more than 120 lbs gone, I don't mind a two or three inch heel, and can wear them for a while before my feet start to hurt. So, next Saturday, I will dress up in my sequined burgundy dress, my sparkly 3 inch heels, and the hubby and I will go out on the town. Who knows, we might end up at the batting cages again (my choice of fun, not his). It would be interesting to see if I can bat in heels. Weight loss is funny. While you are losing weight, the days seem so slow, and once the weight is gone, you realize that it went by so fast. Everything is perspective. Although I am not much into the new age-y crap, there is something to be said for being positive and visualizing an outcome. For me, it's clothes and (suddenly) shoes. I will hit the thrift store and buy stuff that fits, and stuff that will fit, usually one size smaller than my current size (which is a 16 right now). I have some small 16s and a few 14s to see me through for now, but am looking forward to my next trip to the thrift store (hopefully soon). Anyway, if you whine and cry about what you are missing, you are just sabotaging yourself. Yes, most people will agree that cake, candy and cookies are delicious. I love ice cream, and bacon (together or separate), and my homemade mayo. But, right now, the cost to lose nearly 10 lbs in 5 days are the goodies I overindulged in to pick up the 20 + pounds. Everything has a price. Stay positive and focused, and before you know it, you will have reach that first mini goal. Whether it's 2 pounds or 200 pounds, it will go. Not all at once, of course, but eventually. Again, stay positive, stay focused.

Gotta look at the Big Picture

Good morning Friend. The BIG PICTURE. In business we hear this a lot. In personal lives it's the same. We don't make a budget on just one bill, so how can we look at anything else that way? One single human being is a giant picture. Not only is there are physical health, but our mental health, emotional health, and even our spiritual health. Each of these components are also a Big Picture unto themselves. And, here's the clincher, all these work together. If you are ill (physical health), and feeling bored (mental health), and crying "why me!?" (spiritual health), and then you might feel sad (emotional health) because you had plans for the day that you can't do, your body is going to have a hard time healing. On the other hand, you wake up feeling good, ready to tackle the day, won the lottery, and just overall having a great time with life (it can happen!), your body will be strong and invigorated and HEALTHY. 1. Make a conscious decision to change. Big or little, giant leap or a small baby step, change an unhealthy habit. Maybe you'll stop soda (this would include diet), or that high calorie coffee drink. Switch to mostly water, unsweetened iced tea, and/or unsweetened, unmilked coffee. Maybe it means taking a walk after dinner. How about skipping the mealtime bread? The important thing is to make a CHOICE. That evil little voice in the back of your head is saying "I can't give up XYZ." "Drink black coffee, eww gross." "But BREAD is the cornerstone of the USDA's recommended daily allowance!" Except for the coffee one, I have said the same exact thing. Remember, I am using the words "DECIDE TO CHANGE", not alter your lifestyle, but CHANGE. Change doesn't come easily, and if you are wishy washy about it, it won't come at all. 2. You are responsible for YOUR choices. As much as I would love to blame the USDA and their stupid food pyramid for my being fat, they didn't force any of the processed crap that I ate down my throat, neither did the advertisers for Dunkin' Donuts, McDonalds, or Little Caesars. Nope, my own choices. No matter how many clubs, bars, or parties your friends invite you to, you don't have to drink or eat anything that you don't want to. YOU CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF. 3. Educate yourself about nutrition. There are TONS of books out there, including the Internet, plenty of information to sift through. I personally choose the materials that had nothing to do with the Standard American Diet (SAD). I have done everything the USDA, the doctors, and even common wisdom (CW) said to do, with little/no results, and when I did get results they were short-lived at best, completely unhealthy at worst. Notable reads: Real Food by Nina Planck The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf The Paleo Diet by Loren Cordain The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson Primal Mind/Primal Body by Nora Gudgaudas Notable Websites: Paleo Non Paleo (www.paleononpaleo.com) The Clothes Make the Girl (www.theclothesmakethegirl.com) Jen's Gone Paleo (www.jensgonepaleo.blogspot.com) The Primal Parent (www.primalparent.com) Those are just a few. The web is bursting with plenty of info on all diets and types of eating. When you do start your research, keep in mind that you aren't "starting a diet", you are CHANGING your eating habits. Find something that you can live with. You will be eating this way for the rest of your life. A quick fix diet hasn't help so far, so why even bother. Instead, put your energy into something that will last. And remember, the more you learn, the more you will adjust the information to fit your life. It's OK, to wander off the path a bit. There is no one diet fits all. I am going to stop here. This is a lot of info to absorb. You have your homework, Friend. This is your life, your health, be obsessive about it for a while. Until next time...

I AM NOT A ROLE MODEL (or am I?)

I have control issues. Those who know me are going, "duh, you just figured that out?" No (smartasses) I did not just figure that out, I have always been this way. Many times being a pseudo-dictator has worked for me. When I worked in security, I had to be in control of any and all situations. As a wife and mother, I have had to tone down my authority. Being 150 lbs. + overweight had me thinking I was in control. I put the tasty food in my mouth, I ate, and ate, and ate. Complete control, right? I had every excuse in the book as to why I was overweight, but it never occurred to me that I had lost all control. I had given my control away. Away to stress, away to sorrow, away to anger, away to boredom. Instead, I allowed food to be in control. My husband has a big mouth (weird segue, right?). In pride, he talks to co-workers, friends, and his clients about my weight loss. When he comes home, he tells me about the people he meets in his daily life, how they are on some crazy new diet. How they have tried everything to lose weight. How much they work out to no avail. He tells me about some of the guys on his forums that are trying new foods, new tricks, new products, to lose those unwanted pounds. Then he tells me how he tells them about me. How I lost the weight. The way I keep it off. How much happier I am. How much better I feel. Turns out that I have a big mouth too. To those who will ask, I tell. The lady at the supermarket who is passing out samples of cereal, or muffins, or peanut butter, listens patiently to me explaining why I don't eat what she is offering, along with a picture of me at around 350 lbs., with a waist measurement of five feet!!!! Then, as I walk away, she will be offering to someone else. That someone who is in a scooter shopping cart, with the cart filled with Weight Watchers entrees, diet soda, and fat free snack cakes. I become so sad. I want to shake them all. I want to pull that man or woman out of the scooter and beg them to stop killing themselves. Please stop killing yourself with a fork. This is a slow death. It is hard to watch. What makes it worse is that the dying individual has every intention of stopping, tomorrow. There seem to be plenty of tomorrows. I know. When I was a teenager, I was immortal, I had all the time in the world to lose weight. Then, as a twenty something, my tomorrows were fulfilled, but only for that short term party, wedding, special vacation. Then the occasion would pass, and tomorrow just wasn't as important. In my 30's I was consumed with work and raising a child. My personal needs had to take a back burner to the needs of my child. I would try the fad of the week diet (it was the New Mayo Clinic diet, kinda like Atkins). Suddenly, I was 40 and 41, with two small children to raise. Then at 44, I learned that my tomorrows were dwindling. I had high blood pressure, and was prescribed medication that I was afraid to take. I had clogged arteries, and was given the Xerox copy of all the (plastic) foods I was to eat. I had sore knees from carting around all that weight. I had strange pains in my chest. My tomorrows were gone. I was actively dying. Every cake, cookie, noodle, rice bowl, candy bar, was just speeding me along to dead. I would be leaving behind my best friend and husband with a huge responsibility, raising two small children and needing to help a grown autistic child. He also has his parents to take care of, they couldn't help with the kids. He would be alone. This recap of what I went through before I lost the weight is for Friend. You know who you are, Friend. Yes you. You, who thought "Wow, that's great! I wish I could drop a hundred pounds, but no diet works." "She's just lucky." "I wish I had that kind of will power." "Whatever, that worked for you, but it won't work for me." Friend, You can lose the weight. You can be healthy. I have no magic, no secret power. The only will I have is to survive. And yes, it's true, what works for me, may not work for you. Together we'll seek out the answers. Together, we will find the right question. Each person has their own question. I don't have all the answers, but I can learn, and if I can learn, so can you, Friend. Will you let me help you, Friend? I am just a person. I am a person who accomplished something great. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. I may not be a role model, but I am someone who cares. All I ask is for honesty. We can lie to ourselves, and let our tomorrows run out, or we can be honest and see the dawn of a new day. I will be here, Friend.

Wouldn't it be nice if...

...we could live in the perfect world! In the perfect world, I would be at the ideal (what exactly is ideal?) body weight, and strong enough to compete in a 5 or 10K, or maybe an Ironman, or even know how to ski for a biathlon. Alas, this is not the case. We are having beau coup drama in the house of Rusty. Which is causing mega stress and lots of dissent amongst the family. Between a literally crazy MIL and kids just being kids, a hubby who just wants to chuck it all, and a FIL who just wants to sleep all day, guess who gets to deal with all the cr*p? Yes, your friendly, neighborhood, Paleo-mommy. My only super power seems to be the ability to drink coffee, and find lost shoes under a single bunk bed...not much, but it's what I have to work with. There are only two important things in my life now: My health and my marriage. Yes, health and marriage, and I'll tell you why. If I am not healthy, I can't do jack-diddelly for my family. Without my husband, I would be lost. Please understand, this is not "man dependence", I can certainly support my children on my own, if I had to (I have done the single mom thing, it sucked). But, I don't want to. I was blessed to find the man I want to share my life with, to grow old with (have grown old with...). I haven't looked at another man for 12 years, because the one I have is perfect for me. Hokey, yes, but very true. Last night, we worked on us, today, I start working on me (AGAIN). I weighed in at 212.4, which is 8 lbs. over my LDW (Oct. 2012), so all in all, I am not too far off the mark. Unfortunately, I am 21 lbs. off my best of 191. I would like to get back there again. Do to some financial restrictions, I will not be able to hCG my way down this year, so, I have to "man up" as it were, and do it the old fashioned way. I am so thankful for the Paleo lifestyle. Now to embrace it a bit tighter. Since we don't have the means right now for me to join a Cross Fit box, I am just going to have to improvise with what I have. Maybe I can get some kettle bells for Christmas, but right now I have 200 + lbs. of body weight to work against gravity with. I can hold a plank for one minute, which is good, but I can do better. I can do 6 burpees without stopping, not much, but I can do better. I am going to measure out 400 meters on the bike trail behind my house, and practice sprints (did I ever tell you I HATE running?). All of which I can do for FREE!! Throw in some sit ups, monkey bar climbing, and some area hiking, and I am pretty set. Hopefully, next year, we will have our life-duckies in a row, and I can be fit and ready to ramp up my exercise program at a Cross Fit box (I really want to try it out), or, who knows, maybe write a how-to at home book for other SAHM's like me!