Saturday, March 22, 2014

Sometimes you are your own worst enemy

I have been neglecting my blogging lately. It can be a real chore to keep your head in the game, as it were. My focus has been drifting, even to perfect me, who knew!!! Oh, wait, I am not perfect, what a shocker! My first week on hCG, I lost 12+ lbs., which is super duper. My second week I lost 3-ish lbs., not great, but on track for hCG. The 3rd week I lost one whole pound. ONE, uno, single, AAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!!!! That really put me into a tail spin. Not that I tossed in the towel, or anything. But, it really plays havoc with the self control. I tend to cheat with protein, not sugar or similar treats. I keep making beef jerky, and I keep eating it (weird). Also, there have been some real strangeness with my girly time. It started off right, but then stopped, then started again, then stopped, then started, my normal 4 days have turned into a 6 day ordeal. Add to that I am trying out a "Diva" menstrual cup, in an attempt to move away from the standard feminine hygiene products. And, just to increase the stresses, my beloved Colonel has been working 16+ hours everyday, and has been driving long distances on small windy roads, so I worry. Oh, and my car is in the body shop getting 3,000 dollars worth of repairs to the front passenger door that got hit by a valet parking someone else's car. I must admit, the Cadillac the rental company provided me with is a real "hooptie" with plenty of bells and whistles, but I miss my car. So, instead of using all these reasons for excuses, it's time to take charge, refocus, and basically get my sh*t together. It can pile up, but this is life, and stuff will happen. That doesn't mean I have Carte Blanc to toss all my work away. As I stand now, I am down 16+ lbs., and 19.5"! Not too shabby at all, even with all the weirdness that life is chucking my way right now. As my first bottle of drops was getting down to the last couple of ounces, it occurred to me that it also might be losing it's potency, so I opened another bottle, which seems to be helping as I am losing a pound a day currently. I am hoping that I will be to my first goal (and ldw) of 204 by the end of March (I am at 211.6 now, so 7 more pounds to go), then be in "one"derland by mid April. After that, it will be all gravy losses. My goal is to be at or below 180 (165 being ideal, but that would just be a vanity thing, not a health thing). With my focus regained, and my goals in sight, it makes the whole VLC days easier to get through. I still believe that "will power" is bull. Focus, not self denial is the key. Will power means that you just "push through" with no goal. Focus gives you something to push through to, and landing place, so to say. If you are just saying to yourself, "no, I won't cheat on those tasty cookies", you are just powering through, with no safety net. But, if you say "those cookies really look tasty, but I am just 7 pounds away from my goal" you have a reason for saying no, including the acknowledgement that the cookies (or your weakness of choice) look good. They won't DO you any good, and cookies (or whatever) are not gone forever, you just can't have them now. I like to tell myself "not 'no', just not now". Today I am taking my Littles to the roller skating rink for their first lesson. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks I can join them on the floor. I have been roller skating for 40 something years, spending the bulk of the 80's as a rink rat. Once I get to goal, I may just invest in a new pair of rink skates (the $100 ones, nothing fancy). I really do love the fact that there are things that I can look forward to. 2 years ago, I got to go on water slides for the first time since my early 20's. We just got back from Disneyland, and I was able to ride all the rides I wanted to, without being so fat that I worried about someone telling me that I would break the ride (a major worry 10 years ago, the last time we went). Now, I am getting back onto the skating floor, looking forward to more water slides, more amusement parks, camping, travelling, and maybe renting out a Sea Doo for some jet skiing (my ultimate bucket list item). I have let my lack of focus take 20 years from my life. Nothing is sadder than a life wasted. Even in our crazy world, life is worth living. Live it hard!!!!

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