Monday, March 31, 2014
Making my first goal
Right on target, this morning I made my goal of ldw of 204 (OK, 204.4, but I am not going to pick at nits)!!! Now, the real work comes into play. My next goal is 191, which is the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life. From there, my goal is 180, then anything after that is just those extra vanity pounds. Having realistic goals is imperative. If someone of my stature (5'9", big boned, and massive stretched skin) wanted to be 120 lbs, I would be fooling myself. Our body views are skewed enough. Women (and men) who strive to look like Kate Moss (or whichever supermodel swizzle stick) are aiming for the wrong goal. Let me rehash my views on supermodels: Being a clothing model is a job. The reason that they are so thin is because designers want a living HANGER to put their clothes on for show. That's right, a live walking hanger. When you watch a runway model strutting on the catwalk, look at their faces, see that sour look? The designer doesn't want you to look at their faces, they want you to look at their clothing. People don't want to look at a "mean" face. Again, being a supermodel is a job. If it's your job, then please, get as skinny as you want. If it's not your job, then go for being healthy. A healthy weight may not get you on the cover of Vogue, but do you really think that's your calling in life? Sure, many of us would love to wear the latest Couture, or DKNY, or whatever is hot now (I don't follow the trends). I am a big fan of Downton Abbey, Masterpiece gets some financing from Ralph Loran (sp?), so there is a 2 minute blurb at the beginning of the show about how Ralph loves his beautiful women. The problem is the women shown. If they weren't wearing the lovely clothes, you would be calling them death camp survivors. I hope it's airbrushing that makes them look that thin, because they are scary skinny. We all suffer from a skewed body image. When you weigh 325 lbs., you don't think you are as fat as you are. I used to have a 5' circumference, yes a 60" waist. I would look into a mirror and think "yeah, I'm fat, but I carry my weight well". Nobody carries that much weight well. Now that I am 120 pounds lighter, my body view is skewed the other way. Now it's I don't look like I have lost anything. We may never see what's truly there, fat or thin. This makes us have to rely on FACTS. Fact: I have lost 120 lbs. Fact: I used to wear a XXXL, now I wear a large. Fact: I have lost more inches than I am tall (I am 69" tall, and have lost more than 70" overall). It's the facts, not the body view that keep me on track. If I went by my "feelings", I would have pitched all back in February of 2012, when things got hard. When I couldn't have bread anymore. I let the scale keep tabs for me. While losing 60 lbs., I didn't lose hardly any inches. It wasn't until 2 weeks into P3 that I got into smaller pants (I lost weight from the top down). We are a society that relies too much on our "feelings", when we really need to rely on cold, hard facts. It's our "feelings" that got us fat in the first place. Remember: Oh, this has been a lousy day, a carton of ice cream will make me feel better. Did it? Did you eat that ice cream in front of anyone? Or, did you hide to scarf it down? By the last spoonful, were you happy, or did you get up and go get something else to eat? Yes, I know. You are reading the truth about the fat life from the Queen of eating emotions. I have done it all. Hiding food. Buying 2 or 3 meals, while making passing mention that I was feeding my family, so no one would think that I was going to eat all this food by myself. Restaurant hopping, going from one drive thru to another, with a stop at a grocery store on top of all that. Crazy. But, that's what we do when our one and only friend is food. But, food is no one's friend. Food (the right food), keeps our bodies alive. It doesn't CARE, because food is not a person. Food has no ability to be a friend. It's not living, breathing, or feeling. This is when it's time to really look at yourself. Not in a critical, "I am such a loser" way, but in a "I need to put me first" way. An "I need to love myself enough to stop this cycle" way. I have always hated the "love yourself" thing. What I have found is that you have to find just one thing you like about you. Maybe you are just that much smarter then the people around you. Or have a special talent (yes, everyone has a talent) that you do. Maybe you have really bitchin' eyes. Maybe you are strong. ONE THING. Start with that. Everyone has one thing that makes them special. Something that makes you unique. Find it. Exploit it for all it's worth, something else to add will present itself, I promise. When that voice in your head starts putting you down, tell it to shut up, and focus on what's important, YOU. Losing weight is a long, exhausting road. You didn't wake up fat, you won't wake up skinny without a lot of hard work in-between. Focus on your health. Not the mirror. Not the latest fad. Not the other people who "are better than you". There is no one better than you. If you do nothing, you will get nothing. You don't need accolades from others, just do for yourself. There is always hope. No one is a lost cause. You are special. You are worth it.