I didn't get much sleep, and was afraid that it would effect my losses, but this morning I was down another 5 lbs! That makes 14.8 lbs in 4 days (including loading days!). Now for the caveat; these losses will slow down. This is like a jump start. Within a few days my losses will slow, while my body catches up. While the losses are slowing, my fat cells which are filling up with water, will be releasing the water and shifting around, reducing my size.
My hope is that I make it into the low, single digit 300's or even manage to get into the 200's (299 is a lot, but better than 325!). I am really looking forward to losing inches too! My plan is to do some closet shopping. Right now I am wearing a 28 (52), I have some pants in a 26 (48), and some pants as low as a 40. At the end of all this, I am thinking that anything below a 36 would be heavenly! I can't even tell you what the "junior" size is. Maybe a 12 or a 14? These numbers really don't have any meaning for me, because the smallest I remember being was 36, and that was when I was about 14 yo.
I was just getting ready to write about how lucky I was 'cause I am tall and carry my weight well, poppycock! I have always been fat. A fat teen who became a fat adult, and it was only down hill from there!
What is interesting is that everything I have learned, and am learning is culminating into my new life plan. With the hcg, I can actually feel when I am really hungry, not just filling a hole. It's kinda like an alcoholics "moment of clarity". I am sure that is far too dramatic, but I have a disease. You don't get obese because of being lazy. You don't get obese because you eat. You get obese because of WHY you eat. Most people, fat and thin, will agree that doughnuts taste good. Even vegans will admit that bacon tastes good.
Everyone gets hungry. Some overweight people will starve themselves to lose a pound or two, what do they get? Someone sees them eating a salad, and makes a comment that they would lose weight if they would only put down the fork. Nice. Well, OK, so that person just might put down the fork, and pick up a spoon and start shovelling in a quart of ice cream. Happy now?
People will fall over themselves to congratulate someones sobriety. Knowing that if the sober person has one drink, they could die. People will congratulate someone for losing weight, too. Then offer a Starbucks coffee with all the fixin's (at 500 cal per cup), and a lovely muffin (800 cal), and an offer of a celebration lunch (1200-1500). All bad fats, all carbs, no food value, while the whole time the offerer and the offeree are both in a fog of "congratulations".
It's not fair. Of course, this is lesson number 1 about life. It's not fair. It's not fair that I can't eat bready stuff. It's not fair that my Mexican food days are over. It's not fair that I will turn to the refrigerator for comfort and support. Well boo hoo. You know what I can do? I can walk. Which isn't fair to someone in a wheelchair. I can hear. Which is not fair to the deaf. I can see. Which is not fair to the blind. My children are growing up in the best country in the world, they will never know hunger, cold, or hopelessness, which is not fair to children in Third World countries. So, you see, life is not fair. The bottom line. If you know that life isn't fair, don't whine about your lot in life. Instead, look to all that you have, all you can do, all that you can be. If the worst of your life is to having avoid bread and ice cream, then count all the blessing you do have in your life!
Sermon over, go in peace!
Showing posts with label Weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weight loss. Show all posts
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
It's Awesome!
You just gotta love the whole hcg diet thing! Since I started 3 DAYS AGO, I have lost 9.8 pounds, any side effects? Just waking up with a dull headache both days.
My legal council (the Voices inside my head) are reminding me that this is a temporary "whoosh", and won't keep up at this pace (bummer). But even a .5 or 1 lb loss would be most welcome.
During week 1, the losses are pretty big pound wise, during week 2 is when all this fat is going to start shifting around, and I will start seeing inches disappear. Week 3 is a mixture of both pounds and inches (hence the name of Dr. Simeons' research).
I am not sure about how long I will be doing hcg for the first round. Part of me wants to go a full 90 days, but my head is telling me to get off 50 lbs, go P3 for 3 weeks, and dive back in (maybe with 3 weeks of P4).
Here's what I want: I want to be healthy. I don't want to be morbidly obese anymore. I have 2 small children to raise. I have a wonderful husband that I want to grow old with. I want to do all the wonderful things that life has to offer.
I have to look at my fat as a cancer. If I had cancer, I would do anything and everything to fight it, right? Food is my cancer. The problem is that you can cut out cancer, you can't cut out food. A huge portion of using the hcg is not just to lose weight (bonus), but to change my relationship with food. Food is NOT my friend. Food is my enemy. I can no longer live to eat, but must instead eat only to live.
As I remain on the VLCD, my body is learning to get energy from fats, and not store away abnormally, but to use the excess for energy. Once I have exhausted the abnormal fat, then my body will continue to use what I eat to be used for energy, as long as I stay away from the excesses. Carbohydrates in grain/pseudo grain form just stores away in my already stretched abnormal fat cells, so grain/pseudo grain carbs are a thing of the past. Along with refined sugars, which have no food value of any sort. Even the energy that sugar supplies is short and too much of a spike, and totally not worth it. There are plenty of ways to get an energy boost. Fruit, nuts (not legumes), veggies and proteins.
I have been really lucky, since I had cut out soda years ago, so that's a monkey that I don't carry. Prior to starting hcg, I cut down/out most carbs in my diet. In fact, the Colonel was shocked when we went to a restaurant and I ordered steak with a side of ribs, and had a double portion of veggies instead of a starch, and passed on the bread/croutons.
My last loading meal was at Hometown Buffet, and I had a huge salad with tons of dressing, beets, eggs, bacon, and for my crunch I added sunflower seeds, no croutons. Then I went to the main courses and had a plateful of really fatty pork ribs and one, count it, one roll, which I savored and said my goodbyes to.
Breads/sugars are just nails in my coffin. Mortality is very real to me. I have clogged arteries and hypertension. Why? Because I have been killing myself with a fork, a slow and steady suicide. I will be 45 in 3 months, and I want to be out of the 300's and into the solid 200's (below 250 would be most excellent). Before the year is out, I will be in the 100's. 150 is supposed to be "ideal" but I will take 175 with relish and hold it there.
It's a whole life change. All my heart and soul are in this. I need this. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want to have a stroke. I don't want to be fat. This goes against everything I have ever done in my whole life. A complete 180 degree turn about. I must become a whole different person. One who thinks differently, one who acts differently, one who reacts differently. A total transformation.
My legal council (the Voices inside my head) are reminding me that this is a temporary "whoosh", and won't keep up at this pace (bummer). But even a .5 or 1 lb loss would be most welcome.
During week 1, the losses are pretty big pound wise, during week 2 is when all this fat is going to start shifting around, and I will start seeing inches disappear. Week 3 is a mixture of both pounds and inches (hence the name of Dr. Simeons' research).
I am not sure about how long I will be doing hcg for the first round. Part of me wants to go a full 90 days, but my head is telling me to get off 50 lbs, go P3 for 3 weeks, and dive back in (maybe with 3 weeks of P4).
Here's what I want: I want to be healthy. I don't want to be morbidly obese anymore. I have 2 small children to raise. I have a wonderful husband that I want to grow old with. I want to do all the wonderful things that life has to offer.
I have to look at my fat as a cancer. If I had cancer, I would do anything and everything to fight it, right? Food is my cancer. The problem is that you can cut out cancer, you can't cut out food. A huge portion of using the hcg is not just to lose weight (bonus), but to change my relationship with food. Food is NOT my friend. Food is my enemy. I can no longer live to eat, but must instead eat only to live.
As I remain on the VLCD, my body is learning to get energy from fats, and not store away abnormally, but to use the excess for energy. Once I have exhausted the abnormal fat, then my body will continue to use what I eat to be used for energy, as long as I stay away from the excesses. Carbohydrates in grain/pseudo grain form just stores away in my already stretched abnormal fat cells, so grain/pseudo grain carbs are a thing of the past. Along with refined sugars, which have no food value of any sort. Even the energy that sugar supplies is short and too much of a spike, and totally not worth it. There are plenty of ways to get an energy boost. Fruit, nuts (not legumes), veggies and proteins.
I have been really lucky, since I had cut out soda years ago, so that's a monkey that I don't carry. Prior to starting hcg, I cut down/out most carbs in my diet. In fact, the Colonel was shocked when we went to a restaurant and I ordered steak with a side of ribs, and had a double portion of veggies instead of a starch, and passed on the bread/croutons.
My last loading meal was at Hometown Buffet, and I had a huge salad with tons of dressing, beets, eggs, bacon, and for my crunch I added sunflower seeds, no croutons. Then I went to the main courses and had a plateful of really fatty pork ribs and one, count it, one roll, which I savored and said my goodbyes to.
Breads/sugars are just nails in my coffin. Mortality is very real to me. I have clogged arteries and hypertension. Why? Because I have been killing myself with a fork, a slow and steady suicide. I will be 45 in 3 months, and I want to be out of the 300's and into the solid 200's (below 250 would be most excellent). Before the year is out, I will be in the 100's. 150 is supposed to be "ideal" but I will take 175 with relish and hold it there.
It's a whole life change. All my heart and soul are in this. I need this. I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want to have a stroke. I don't want to be fat. This goes against everything I have ever done in my whole life. A complete 180 degree turn about. I must become a whole different person. One who thinks differently, one who acts differently, one who reacts differently. A total transformation.
Friday, February 10, 2012
So It Begins
I received my hcg drops from Body Shaper on the 7th, and started "loading" on the 8th and 9th. Loading is when you eat and eat (going for high fat content), then, when you think you couldn't eat another bite, you eat some more.
There is a weird psychological thing going on, 'cause when you have Carte Blanc to scarf like a pig, you suddenly find that you aren't hungry. It's not only weird, but stupid too!
I said my goodbyes to many favorites. Not just for the duration of my diet, but also for life. I will be using this time to learn about Paleo eating (Caveman diet). Lots of fruits and veggies, lots of meat, no grains, little or no dairy. Cheese will probably stay in our diet, along with butter. Milk is really neither here or there with us. We can switch to coconut milk, and the kids will be just as happy. Except for those horrid flavor straws, the kids don't drink milk anyway.
So today beings my hcg VLCD (very low calorie diet) which should max out at about 500 cals. It's going to be hard, but looking at the big picture, I can't stay fat. I have put alot into this. $325 alone in hcg. Then extras (new scale, digital food scale, $300 in meat/veggies), then there is the mental preparation. I have lived for this time.
Is there a pay off? Sure, this morning, after eating and eating, I woke up to a 4 pound weight loss. Yes, four pounds. After eating everything that wasn't nailed down. In 2 days, I lost 4 pounds. The Medical community says a pound a week is "healthy". No, a pound a week is slow. A pound of weight loss from the Medical community is a pound of necessary fat, not abnormal fat. My 4 pound loss is abnormal fat. That's what hcg does, it attacks abnormal fat. We need the fat in our bodies. Fat protects our internal organs. There is a fat patch under your heels, otherwise, you would be walking on a bone (ouch!). Structural fat. Then there is your storage fat, that with people like me, can't be released with regular dieting. Wait, it can be released, but only after you have gotten rid of your structural fat, and started breaking down muscles. Because the storage fat is for the lean famine times (of which most of us in the US will never see), the human body will do everything it can to hang on to it, including eating it's own muscles to keep that storage fat as full as possible.
Because we (as a society) consume extraordinary amounts of grain based carbohydrates and refined sugars, the body cannot use the excess, and stores it away. When was the last time you couldn't go to the grocery and "hunt" down a wild loaf of bread?
After the flood, other than what was stored on the ark, there were no grains to be had. This was when man had to start eating animals (even possibly before that, Adam may have hunted, but this is for the Creationists to argue over). Other than being on the Ark, the animals were afraid of man. They weren't going to stand still. The hunt was on.
Anyway, long story short (too late), while I am learning to eat better, I will simultaneously start teaching the family to start eating better too.
So, here's what hcg is going to do for me. HCG is going to help me release the abnormal fat stored in my fat cells (we are born with X number of fat cells, and they fill up with stored fat), the hcg encourages the body to use this stored up fat for energy, rather than relying on carbohydrates to provide energy by eating. The fat cells will release the fat, and be replaced (in the beginning) with water, then the water will be released. I only have a rudimentary understanding on how the process works. But, it does work.
For those who think they should lose 5 or 10 lbs, it may not work. Just because you have a poochy tummy, doesn't mean you are storing extra (abnormal) fat. Fat storage is normal. Being obese, is NOT NORMAL. So, for those who are seeking that Kate Moss waif look, you must look elsewhere (try anorexia, or some sort of concentration camp). I would hope that most adults would realize that being supermodel, stick figure thin, is unhealthy, and not sexy. Any man who would want a woman like that is sick in the head. Any woman who would do that to herself to get a man, is suicidal.
I am lucky, my Colonel is a "chubby chaser", that's how I landed him. But, truthfully, he understands that all this extra weight is putting a strain on me. I have been diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure), and although it's not being treated with medicine, my arteries are starting to clog with high cholesterol. Too thin or too fat, both are suicide by fork (not enough fork, or too much fork). Both are also very slow and painful. Painful to live, and painful to watch.
Oh, in case you didn't know, the reason those "super models" are so thin, is because they are living human wire hangers, to show how the clothes drape. It is also the reason they have such a sour look on their faces (that mean look), so you won't look at their face, but at the clothes instead. Is this really something to strive for? Seriously, a human, sour faced hanger?
So, as the blog title says, this is the beginning. My diet day will look like this:
Wake up, pee, weigh.
Take hcg, holding for 5 mins under my tongue.
30 minutes after that, drink coffee, tea, and the ever present water.
Have lunch (100 g fish, chicken, lean beef and veggies, radishes, lettuce, Swiss chard, beet greens, tomato, onion, cucumber, asparagus. Maybe one piece of fruit, strawberries, handful, 1/2 grapefruit, apple or orange. One piece of Melba toast or grissini bread stick is also allowed, but I don't really want the carbs).
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, continue with water (at least 2 litres a day), coffee, tea.
Dinner, repeat lunch with different meat and veg.
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, drink more water.
Not exciting by any means, except when I wake up in the morning and found that I have lost another 1/2 a pound to a pound.
The first week is usually big losses (I lost 4 pounds in 2 day, AWESOME). The second week the body is recouping, so although weight loss slows down (and sometimes stalls), inches will start coming off. The third week everything evens out, for the most part, (mostly....).
There will be big loss days, small loss days, and no loss days. A huge part of losing weight is your mindset. I know that I am my worst enemy. I will beat myself up with food. Bad day, eat. Started having a good day, then the kids made me mad, eat. Someone looks at me wrong, eat. The sun came up, eat. Do you see the pattern? Yeah, me too. Except, because I am, in essence, trying to kill myself, I didn't care. My pal food will make me feel better, right? Here's the vicious cycle. Food seems to make me feel better, then I feel worse about all the eating, so I eat more to feel better. This isn't just me. This is all the fat (obese) people. We all have different reasons for turning to food in the first place, but the cycle is the same for all of us.
Remember all this, because Rusty is good, Rusty is wise. And getting thinner everyday!
There is a weird psychological thing going on, 'cause when you have Carte Blanc to scarf like a pig, you suddenly find that you aren't hungry. It's not only weird, but stupid too!
I said my goodbyes to many favorites. Not just for the duration of my diet, but also for life. I will be using this time to learn about Paleo eating (Caveman diet). Lots of fruits and veggies, lots of meat, no grains, little or no dairy. Cheese will probably stay in our diet, along with butter. Milk is really neither here or there with us. We can switch to coconut milk, and the kids will be just as happy. Except for those horrid flavor straws, the kids don't drink milk anyway.
So today beings my hcg VLCD (very low calorie diet) which should max out at about 500 cals. It's going to be hard, but looking at the big picture, I can't stay fat. I have put alot into this. $325 alone in hcg. Then extras (new scale, digital food scale, $300 in meat/veggies), then there is the mental preparation. I have lived for this time.
Is there a pay off? Sure, this morning, after eating and eating, I woke up to a 4 pound weight loss. Yes, four pounds. After eating everything that wasn't nailed down. In 2 days, I lost 4 pounds. The Medical community says a pound a week is "healthy". No, a pound a week is slow. A pound of weight loss from the Medical community is a pound of necessary fat, not abnormal fat. My 4 pound loss is abnormal fat. That's what hcg does, it attacks abnormal fat. We need the fat in our bodies. Fat protects our internal organs. There is a fat patch under your heels, otherwise, you would be walking on a bone (ouch!). Structural fat. Then there is your storage fat, that with people like me, can't be released with regular dieting. Wait, it can be released, but only after you have gotten rid of your structural fat, and started breaking down muscles. Because the storage fat is for the lean famine times (of which most of us in the US will never see), the human body will do everything it can to hang on to it, including eating it's own muscles to keep that storage fat as full as possible.
Because we (as a society) consume extraordinary amounts of grain based carbohydrates and refined sugars, the body cannot use the excess, and stores it away. When was the last time you couldn't go to the grocery and "hunt" down a wild loaf of bread?
After the flood, other than what was stored on the ark, there were no grains to be had. This was when man had to start eating animals (even possibly before that, Adam may have hunted, but this is for the Creationists to argue over). Other than being on the Ark, the animals were afraid of man. They weren't going to stand still. The hunt was on.
Anyway, long story short (too late), while I am learning to eat better, I will simultaneously start teaching the family to start eating better too.
So, here's what hcg is going to do for me. HCG is going to help me release the abnormal fat stored in my fat cells (we are born with X number of fat cells, and they fill up with stored fat), the hcg encourages the body to use this stored up fat for energy, rather than relying on carbohydrates to provide energy by eating. The fat cells will release the fat, and be replaced (in the beginning) with water, then the water will be released. I only have a rudimentary understanding on how the process works. But, it does work.
For those who think they should lose 5 or 10 lbs, it may not work. Just because you have a poochy tummy, doesn't mean you are storing extra (abnormal) fat. Fat storage is normal. Being obese, is NOT NORMAL. So, for those who are seeking that Kate Moss waif look, you must look elsewhere (try anorexia, or some sort of concentration camp). I would hope that most adults would realize that being supermodel, stick figure thin, is unhealthy, and not sexy. Any man who would want a woman like that is sick in the head. Any woman who would do that to herself to get a man, is suicidal.
I am lucky, my Colonel is a "chubby chaser", that's how I landed him. But, truthfully, he understands that all this extra weight is putting a strain on me. I have been diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure), and although it's not being treated with medicine, my arteries are starting to clog with high cholesterol. Too thin or too fat, both are suicide by fork (not enough fork, or too much fork). Both are also very slow and painful. Painful to live, and painful to watch.
Oh, in case you didn't know, the reason those "super models" are so thin, is because they are living human wire hangers, to show how the clothes drape. It is also the reason they have such a sour look on their faces (that mean look), so you won't look at their face, but at the clothes instead. Is this really something to strive for? Seriously, a human, sour faced hanger?
So, as the blog title says, this is the beginning. My diet day will look like this:
Wake up, pee, weigh.
Take hcg, holding for 5 mins under my tongue.
30 minutes after that, drink coffee, tea, and the ever present water.
Have lunch (100 g fish, chicken, lean beef and veggies, radishes, lettuce, Swiss chard, beet greens, tomato, onion, cucumber, asparagus. Maybe one piece of fruit, strawberries, handful, 1/2 grapefruit, apple or orange. One piece of Melba toast or grissini bread stick is also allowed, but I don't really want the carbs).
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, continue with water (at least 2 litres a day), coffee, tea.
Dinner, repeat lunch with different meat and veg.
Wait 30 minutes, take hcg.
Wait another 30 minutes, drink more water.
Not exciting by any means, except when I wake up in the morning and found that I have lost another 1/2 a pound to a pound.
The first week is usually big losses (I lost 4 pounds in 2 day, AWESOME). The second week the body is recouping, so although weight loss slows down (and sometimes stalls), inches will start coming off. The third week everything evens out, for the most part, (mostly....).
There will be big loss days, small loss days, and no loss days. A huge part of losing weight is your mindset. I know that I am my worst enemy. I will beat myself up with food. Bad day, eat. Started having a good day, then the kids made me mad, eat. Someone looks at me wrong, eat. The sun came up, eat. Do you see the pattern? Yeah, me too. Except, because I am, in essence, trying to kill myself, I didn't care. My pal food will make me feel better, right? Here's the vicious cycle. Food seems to make me feel better, then I feel worse about all the eating, so I eat more to feel better. This isn't just me. This is all the fat (obese) people. We all have different reasons for turning to food in the first place, but the cycle is the same for all of us.
Remember all this, because Rusty is good, Rusty is wise. And getting thinner everyday!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Start
Here's what I know. Weight doesn't just come off. You actually have to eat right and exercise (BOO!!).
I weighed myself this morning and I am at 305.8 lbs! Crazy!
This is 20 time for me. 20 jumping jacks (OK, 15, but my 3 yo was banging and yelling at the door). 20 sit ups and 20 push ups. I will stick with this until I get stronger. I am thinking about doing this a couple times a day (maybe 3?).
Now, to diet (not an evil word, it means the food you eat). I would like to start juicing. I am going to start off with carrot and celery. Reduce the amount of bread type food (bread, tortillas, chips, etc). Throw in plenty of protein.
Changing thinking and attitude is the hardest. But, this year, not only being prepared for any emergency also includes being fit. You can't fight or be in flight if you can't move!
I am hoping to get down to 300 by this time next week. That's 5.8 lbs. A good start.
I weighed myself this morning and I am at 305.8 lbs! Crazy!
This is 20 time for me. 20 jumping jacks (OK, 15, but my 3 yo was banging and yelling at the door). 20 sit ups and 20 push ups. I will stick with this until I get stronger. I am thinking about doing this a couple times a day (maybe 3?).
Now, to diet (not an evil word, it means the food you eat). I would like to start juicing. I am going to start off with carrot and celery. Reduce the amount of bread type food (bread, tortillas, chips, etc). Throw in plenty of protein.
Changing thinking and attitude is the hardest. But, this year, not only being prepared for any emergency also includes being fit. You can't fight or be in flight if you can't move!
I am hoping to get down to 300 by this time next week. That's 5.8 lbs. A good start.
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