Making a plan

Over this past month, I have been being my old self (and not the good one) again. Still Paleo of course, but also just hanging around on the fringes. Over the past 5 days, I have adjusted my diet, eating mainly Pounds and Inches approved foods, but definitely more than 500 calories per day. I stick to the same eating program with meals at lunchtime (usually around 11 ish) and having dinner in and around 5 pm. I mainly eat separate from the family. I have been having either strawberries, oranges or apple twice during the day. Today I have been feeling a bit weak, so I had an orange about 2 hours before lunch, and an apple 2 hours after lunch, and I will make my dinner when I start feeling hungry. I think I have been indulging in too much coffee and not enough water. So far, I have been losing well, starting at 215 5 days ago, and standing at 206 today. My scale is showing me that my fat percentage is going down. Yes, that's 9 pounds, which can be argued as water loss, except for my scale again, which shows my water percentage going up. If my losses maintain, I will be in One-derland again by next week, which is also my 10th wedding anniversary. Last night my hubby and I went shoe shopping for some heels for me. I tried those popular platform heels, which, much to the relief of everyone at the store, didn't make me fall over. They were cute, they put me well over 6' tall (my hubby is 5'4"), but they weren't comfortable to wear for any length of time. Heeled, girly shoes were never anything I ever thought about getting, mainly because at 300 + lbs, I was afraid of snapping a heel and falling. Not to mention, putting that much weight on to my toes, just wasn't happening. Now, with more than 120 lbs gone, I don't mind a two or three inch heel, and can wear them for a while before my feet start to hurt. So, next Saturday, I will dress up in my sequined burgundy dress, my sparkly 3 inch heels, and the hubby and I will go out on the town. Who knows, we might end up at the batting cages again (my choice of fun, not his). It would be interesting to see if I can bat in heels. Weight loss is funny. While you are losing weight, the days seem so slow, and once the weight is gone, you realize that it went by so fast. Everything is perspective. Although I am not much into the new age-y crap, there is something to be said for being positive and visualizing an outcome. For me, it's clothes and (suddenly) shoes. I will hit the thrift store and buy stuff that fits, and stuff that will fit, usually one size smaller than my current size (which is a 16 right now). I have some small 16s and a few 14s to see me through for now, but am looking forward to my next trip to the thrift store (hopefully soon). Anyway, if you whine and cry about what you are missing, you are just sabotaging yourself. Yes, most people will agree that cake, candy and cookies are delicious. I love ice cream, and bacon (together or separate), and my homemade mayo. But, right now, the cost to lose nearly 10 lbs in 5 days are the goodies I overindulged in to pick up the 20 + pounds. Everything has a price. Stay positive and focused, and before you know it, you will have reach that first mini goal. Whether it's 2 pounds or 200 pounds, it will go. Not all at once, of course, but eventually. Again, stay positive, stay focused.

Gotta look at the Big Picture

Good morning Friend. The BIG PICTURE. In business we hear this a lot. In personal lives it's the same. We don't make a budget on just one bill, so how can we look at anything else that way? One single human being is a giant picture. Not only is there are physical health, but our mental health, emotional health, and even our spiritual health. Each of these components are also a Big Picture unto themselves. And, here's the clincher, all these work together. If you are ill (physical health), and feeling bored (mental health), and crying "why me!?" (spiritual health), and then you might feel sad (emotional health) because you had plans for the day that you can't do, your body is going to have a hard time healing. On the other hand, you wake up feeling good, ready to tackle the day, won the lottery, and just overall having a great time with life (it can happen!), your body will be strong and invigorated and HEALTHY. 1. Make a conscious decision to change. Big or little, giant leap or a small baby step, change an unhealthy habit. Maybe you'll stop soda (this would include diet), or that high calorie coffee drink. Switch to mostly water, unsweetened iced tea, and/or unsweetened, unmilked coffee. Maybe it means taking a walk after dinner. How about skipping the mealtime bread? The important thing is to make a CHOICE. That evil little voice in the back of your head is saying "I can't give up XYZ." "Drink black coffee, eww gross." "But BREAD is the cornerstone of the USDA's recommended daily allowance!" Except for the coffee one, I have said the same exact thing. Remember, I am using the words "DECIDE TO CHANGE", not alter your lifestyle, but CHANGE. Change doesn't come easily, and if you are wishy washy about it, it won't come at all. 2. You are responsible for YOUR choices. As much as I would love to blame the USDA and their stupid food pyramid for my being fat, they didn't force any of the processed crap that I ate down my throat, neither did the advertisers for Dunkin' Donuts, McDonalds, or Little Caesars. Nope, my own choices. No matter how many clubs, bars, or parties your friends invite you to, you don't have to drink or eat anything that you don't want to. YOU CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF. 3. Educate yourself about nutrition. There are TONS of books out there, including the Internet, plenty of information to sift through. I personally choose the materials that had nothing to do with the Standard American Diet (SAD). I have done everything the USDA, the doctors, and even common wisdom (CW) said to do, with little/no results, and when I did get results they were short-lived at best, completely unhealthy at worst. Notable reads: Real Food by Nina Planck The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf The Paleo Diet by Loren Cordain The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson Primal Mind/Primal Body by Nora Gudgaudas Notable Websites: Paleo Non Paleo (www.paleononpaleo.com) The Clothes Make the Girl (www.theclothesmakethegirl.com) Jen's Gone Paleo (www.jensgonepaleo.blogspot.com) The Primal Parent (www.primalparent.com) Those are just a few. The web is bursting with plenty of info on all diets and types of eating. When you do start your research, keep in mind that you aren't "starting a diet", you are CHANGING your eating habits. Find something that you can live with. You will be eating this way for the rest of your life. A quick fix diet hasn't help so far, so why even bother. Instead, put your energy into something that will last. And remember, the more you learn, the more you will adjust the information to fit your life. It's OK, to wander off the path a bit. There is no one diet fits all. I am going to stop here. This is a lot of info to absorb. You have your homework, Friend. This is your life, your health, be obsessive about it for a while. Until next time...

I AM NOT A ROLE MODEL (or am I?)

I have control issues. Those who know me are going, "duh, you just figured that out?" No (smartasses) I did not just figure that out, I have always been this way. Many times being a pseudo-dictator has worked for me. When I worked in security, I had to be in control of any and all situations. As a wife and mother, I have had to tone down my authority. Being 150 lbs. + overweight had me thinking I was in control. I put the tasty food in my mouth, I ate, and ate, and ate. Complete control, right? I had every excuse in the book as to why I was overweight, but it never occurred to me that I had lost all control. I had given my control away. Away to stress, away to sorrow, away to anger, away to boredom. Instead, I allowed food to be in control. My husband has a big mouth (weird segue, right?). In pride, he talks to co-workers, friends, and his clients about my weight loss. When he comes home, he tells me about the people he meets in his daily life, how they are on some crazy new diet. How they have tried everything to lose weight. How much they work out to no avail. He tells me about some of the guys on his forums that are trying new foods, new tricks, new products, to lose those unwanted pounds. Then he tells me how he tells them about me. How I lost the weight. The way I keep it off. How much happier I am. How much better I feel. Turns out that I have a big mouth too. To those who will ask, I tell. The lady at the supermarket who is passing out samples of cereal, or muffins, or peanut butter, listens patiently to me explaining why I don't eat what she is offering, along with a picture of me at around 350 lbs., with a waist measurement of five feet!!!! Then, as I walk away, she will be offering to someone else. That someone who is in a scooter shopping cart, with the cart filled with Weight Watchers entrees, diet soda, and fat free snack cakes. I become so sad. I want to shake them all. I want to pull that man or woman out of the scooter and beg them to stop killing themselves. Please stop killing yourself with a fork. This is a slow death. It is hard to watch. What makes it worse is that the dying individual has every intention of stopping, tomorrow. There seem to be plenty of tomorrows. I know. When I was a teenager, I was immortal, I had all the time in the world to lose weight. Then, as a twenty something, my tomorrows were fulfilled, but only for that short term party, wedding, special vacation. Then the occasion would pass, and tomorrow just wasn't as important. In my 30's I was consumed with work and raising a child. My personal needs had to take a back burner to the needs of my child. I would try the fad of the week diet (it was the New Mayo Clinic diet, kinda like Atkins). Suddenly, I was 40 and 41, with two small children to raise. Then at 44, I learned that my tomorrows were dwindling. I had high blood pressure, and was prescribed medication that I was afraid to take. I had clogged arteries, and was given the Xerox copy of all the (plastic) foods I was to eat. I had sore knees from carting around all that weight. I had strange pains in my chest. My tomorrows were gone. I was actively dying. Every cake, cookie, noodle, rice bowl, candy bar, was just speeding me along to dead. I would be leaving behind my best friend and husband with a huge responsibility, raising two small children and needing to help a grown autistic child. He also has his parents to take care of, they couldn't help with the kids. He would be alone. This recap of what I went through before I lost the weight is for Friend. You know who you are, Friend. Yes you. You, who thought "Wow, that's great! I wish I could drop a hundred pounds, but no diet works." "She's just lucky." "I wish I had that kind of will power." "Whatever, that worked for you, but it won't work for me." Friend, You can lose the weight. You can be healthy. I have no magic, no secret power. The only will I have is to survive. And yes, it's true, what works for me, may not work for you. Together we'll seek out the answers. Together, we will find the right question. Each person has their own question. I don't have all the answers, but I can learn, and if I can learn, so can you, Friend. Will you let me help you, Friend? I am just a person. I am a person who accomplished something great. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. I may not be a role model, but I am someone who cares. All I ask is for honesty. We can lie to ourselves, and let our tomorrows run out, or we can be honest and see the dawn of a new day. I will be here, Friend.

Wouldn't it be nice if...

...we could live in the perfect world! In the perfect world, I would be at the ideal (what exactly is ideal?) body weight, and strong enough to compete in a 5 or 10K, or maybe an Ironman, or even know how to ski for a biathlon. Alas, this is not the case. We are having beau coup drama in the house of Rusty. Which is causing mega stress and lots of dissent amongst the family. Between a literally crazy MIL and kids just being kids, a hubby who just wants to chuck it all, and a FIL who just wants to sleep all day, guess who gets to deal with all the cr*p? Yes, your friendly, neighborhood, Paleo-mommy. My only super power seems to be the ability to drink coffee, and find lost shoes under a single bunk bed...not much, but it's what I have to work with. There are only two important things in my life now: My health and my marriage. Yes, health and marriage, and I'll tell you why. If I am not healthy, I can't do jack-diddelly for my family. Without my husband, I would be lost. Please understand, this is not "man dependence", I can certainly support my children on my own, if I had to (I have done the single mom thing, it sucked). But, I don't want to. I was blessed to find the man I want to share my life with, to grow old with (have grown old with...). I haven't looked at another man for 12 years, because the one I have is perfect for me. Hokey, yes, but very true. Last night, we worked on us, today, I start working on me (AGAIN). I weighed in at 212.4, which is 8 lbs. over my LDW (Oct. 2012), so all in all, I am not too far off the mark. Unfortunately, I am 21 lbs. off my best of 191. I would like to get back there again. Do to some financial restrictions, I will not be able to hCG my way down this year, so, I have to "man up" as it were, and do it the old fashioned way. I am so thankful for the Paleo lifestyle. Now to embrace it a bit tighter. Since we don't have the means right now for me to join a Cross Fit box, I am just going to have to improvise with what I have. Maybe I can get some kettle bells for Christmas, but right now I have 200 + lbs. of body weight to work against gravity with. I can hold a plank for one minute, which is good, but I can do better. I can do 6 burpees without stopping, not much, but I can do better. I am going to measure out 400 meters on the bike trail behind my house, and practice sprints (did I ever tell you I HATE running?). All of which I can do for FREE!! Throw in some sit ups, monkey bar climbing, and some area hiking, and I am pretty set. Hopefully, next year, we will have our life-duckies in a row, and I can be fit and ready to ramp up my exercise program at a Cross Fit box (I really want to try it out), or, who knows, maybe write a how-to at home book for other SAHM's like me!

Keeping it up

Day 24 of burpees! I am trying to get as many in in one set as I can. I can get 6 good ones, but then they start getting sloppy. I am thinking about adding in Ashy Bines Bikini Challenge (no, not to get into a bikini!), you can find out more info at www.abbbc.com.au. Right now, I am just focusing on burpees, which is a great core, arm and leg workout, but working on my abs should be a priority too. The challenge is sit ups, crunches, leg raises, and planks, increasing each day (with rest days included). I spoke to my hubby about another round of hCG. Since Oct., I have gone as low as 191, and as high as 208, but I usually remain at my LDW of 204. My theory is that if I hCG to 170-ish, I will maintain there with Paleo eating. If it was possible to subtract my loose skin weight, I would be lighter by about 15 to 20 lbs. My hubby is OK with me going another round, now I just have to come up with the funds. I will be doing Body Shapers again (www.bestlifehcg.com), which have worked so well (125 lbs don't lie!). Off to go figure my budget!

Coming along

Hi all! Today is day 16, and yep, 16 burpees! I am getting very impressed with how strong these are making me. My 16th burpee was almost as good as my first. I did 8 then rested for a couple of minutes (well, made my bed), then did 5 more, then after a 60 second rest, completed the rest. All told, I exercised for about 4 minutes. Everyone knows that I don't put a huge priority on exercise. Diet is my main concern. Contrary to the general belief that it's all about calories in/calories out, it's not. Anyone who has ever done the chronic cardio thing knows that 2 hours on a treadmill, while only eating 1,000 calories, isn't going to slim you down. In fact, the USDA's high carb, low fat, diet isn't helping anyone lose weight. With the big push to eat the standard American diet, America as a whole has only gotten fatter. Low carb diets come and go. Right now it's on an up swing, and those who can are cashing in. That makes it even more important for those of us who want to eat right to read those labels. Once you do, you'll be amazed at the amount of chemicals and corn, are in EVERYTHING! I am having a heck of a time finding BBQ sauce. So read those labels! If the ingredients list is longer than your arm, put it back! Today is a shopping day. I will be going to Sprout's Farmers Market, which is a great place to get Primal/Paleo foods. Other than fruits and veggies, a Sprout's run is only for me. With the family diving head first back into SAD, it makes it very hard to stay on track with Paleo. I do keep a separate supply of food stuffs. I make my own mayo, have my own bottles of ketchup and BBQ sauce (I love condiments), which are made with sugar rather than high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Since I am the only one who actually cooks, everyone else is compliant with what I cook. I tried out a new recipe I found on (Juli is a wonderful cook and now has a cookbook out, so check it out). It was a Honey Mustard Crunchy Chicken and Plantain salad. What I have come to learn with Paleo cooking, you will use ingredients you've never used before. A plantain is a member of the banana family, but isn't sweet. In fact, it doesn't seem to have much of it's own flavor, but instead absorbs the flavor surrounding it. It has a potato like consistency, and would be a great substitute for potatoes when using as a filler. Lately, I have had a mad craving for all things cake-y. I make sure that I acknowledge my craving, and then set about finding something else, or just ignore it. Something else will usually be some dark chocolate and a fruit (banana or orange). I may do some baking, but it will be Paleo. It's funny, for a group of people like my family, who are so dead set on eating crap, they will scarf my baked goods faster then anything! Off to start the day...

Day 12 and the big 4 6 is tomorrow!

12 days into my 100 burpees in 100 days.  The first 3 burpees I do are pretty good, the rest...well, I do them (sorta).  Tomorrow is day 13, I'll let you know...

Tomorrow is also my birthday.  Nothing special planned, but my eldest son got me flowers (awwwwww, isn't that sweet).  His dad is teaching him that when in doubt, get flowers.  The Colonel got us a new car a couple of weeks ago, so it counts as a birthday present!

Things are going pretty well.  I was hitting the 35% in fat ratio, which is not good.  This morning I was down to 34%, I want to get down some more.  27% would be awesome, but I'll take what I can get.  Now I am just working to 33% (one third seems like a lot, but there was a time I had a 47% body fat, yep, nearly half my weight was fat!). I am hoping that circumstances will allow for me to do another hCG round. I have stabilized well, and other than minor issues, I don't see a problem with doing another round to get to my holy grail weight on 160 to 175. This range would be good for me. All the experts say 148 is ideal, but I am not out to be a twig, just at a healthy (for me) weight. At dinner tonight, my birthday was brought up, and to be cheeky, my father in law said "39 again, and holding", I told him that I don't mind being 46, considering that two years ago, I didn't think I would make it to 46. He asked why. At 44, I 325 + pounds, sore knees from carting around all that weight, being prescribed high blood pressure meds, given a paper with a bunch of fake "heart healthy" foods to choose from to "control my cholesterol. When I asked about "something" to help me with weight loss, I just got the sad, pouty face from my nurse practitioner. I was treated like a lost cause. I felt like a lost cause. I also asked about hCG, and was told that it's a scam. Everyone who has used it just regained the weight. It wouldn't work. I should just eat the USDA heart healthy diet, and I would eventually lose the weight. Really? Because I have eaten "heart healthy" recommended diet for 44 years, and I was as big as a house! Sometimes you have to choose for yourself. I took the plunge. I did hCG, I took the time to research new ways of eating that involved whole foods, I made the choice to stay away from grains, legumes, processed sugar, almost all dairy products. In return, although still overweight, I have maintained my losses for 8 months now. I will never be "skinny", and I don't want to be. I am happy with who I am, another 20 to 40 lbs would be great, but even if I stayed in the 200 lb range, I can live with it. I have said before that I am a rebel. I do what I do, I take the time to learn, I take the easy road when I can, and the hard road if I have to. Barring any unforeseen tumbling episodes on the stairs, I will be alive tomorrow and for many years to come. I don't fear high blood pressure, because I don't have it. I don't fear high cholesterol because mine is normal. I don't fear a heart attack, because I am stronger and in better health now at 46 then I was 10 or even 20 years ago. I will wake up a happy human tomorrow. I will hug and kiss my husband and children. I will thank God for all that I have.